Tips for sex with a partner / Tips for sexual intercourse (vaginal intercourse):

When you have intercourse for the first time, don't expect that everything will “work” as well as it does for very experienced couples. After all, you're trying out something new together.

How do I take care of contraception and protect myself from diseases?

Do not rely on the person you're about to have sex with to do this for you. You are responsible for your own health. Therefore, before you have sex for the first time, educate yourself about contraception. And find the right contraceptive for you. Are you in a committed relationship? Then talk to your partner about contraception. And decide together how you will protect yourselves.

It can also be a good idea to visit a sexual health service together. You can find addresses for such services in Switzerland at Sexuelle Gesundheit Schweiz, in Germany at profamilia.de, and in Austria at familienberatung.gv.at. For other countries, do an internet search for “sexual health” or “contraception” plus your location. You can find information about contraception in English on websites like Planned Parenthood or Sexwise. 

Is the first time really that great?

Maybe you're expecting great things from your first time having sex. Then you might be disappointed. Yes, your first time is special. But only very, very, very few people experience earth-shattering bliss with mutual orgasms and sensational feelings. It's perfectly normal if you're clumsy. And it's perfectly normal if you think afterwards that it wasn't all that great. Compare it to trying out a new dance for the first time. With the second (third, fourth, fifth...) time it will probably get better and better.

How well do I have to perform?

Maybe you're stressing yourself out about your first time. You feel like you have to “perform”. And you think you are responsible for “making it work” and for “satisfying” the other person or “making them come”. None of that is true. You are not responsible for that.

When you stress yourself out, sex is less fun. You tense up. If you have a penis, you might come too soon. Or you don't come at all. Or your penis won't get hard because you're so worried. So it's best to think of the first time as an interesting exercise and learning experience. Then you'll be more relaxed and have more fun.

Does first-time intercourse hurt?

Your first intercourse doesn't have to hurt at all. Why might it hurt? If you have a vagina, then the hymen might tear, which can briefly cause pain. Usually, however, it's only a slight pain, and many do not notice any pain at all. It's also possible that the hymen just stretches and doesn't tear.

Maybe you are expecting pain. And because you expect pain, you tense the muscles in the pelvis more. That happens automatically. This tension makes the vagina tighter. And this can then feel uncomfortable and cause pain during intercourse. You may also tense up because you have no idea what to expect. Read our tips below. They will help to make sure that your first time is great and painless.

How to make your first time more enjoyable:

• Don't expect too much

High expectations will only cause problems. Look at it this way: The first time you have intercourse, you are trying something completely new. With each subsequent time, you will discover more of it. And you will probably enjoy more of it. You might want to read our tips for sexual intercourse.

• Have a sense of humor

You'd probably do the same if, at a first dance together, you step on each other's toes. And with some humor, even the mishaps will be fun.

• Don't skip the petting (“foreplay”)

There's nothing “before” about foreplay. It's just as much part of sex as the penis or dildo going into the vagina is. So definitely start with some petting. The vagina, especially, needs this to get ready for sexual intercourse. That's because when the vagina is sexually aroused, it becomes larger and wetter. Then the penis or dildo has enough room and can easily slide in and out. To clarify: the vagina is inside the body. The outer part is called vulva.

• Go slow

It's best to move slowly. That way, you can better control your movements. You also notice more clearly how different positions feel and whether you like them. People prefer different positions. This depends in part on the body type and the penis size. Moving slowly is also a great way to avoid pain.

• Move

Imagine: She lies there, stiff as a board. And he thrusts with high muscular tension. That's usually not very pleasant or enjoyable for either person. You can read more about why movement is so good during sex in this text for women and all vagina owners and in this text for men and all penis owners.

• Talk, talk, talk...

This actually applies any time you have sex with another person. And it's especially true for your first time. Because you are trying out something completely new. And you have no idea what to expect. If, for example, you suddenly feel uncomfortable, then you should tell the other person. And they should listen to you and slow down. This will give you more comfort and security. After a short break, you can slowly continue.

• Allow yourself a trial period with petting

If you're unsure whether you want to have intercourse yet, tell the other person that you want a trial period with petting. That way, you can slowly get comfortable with intercourse. And you can get familiar with the other person's vagina or penis.

• Practice on your own as well

You can prepare for sexual intercourse by yourself. We have many tips for that. We highly recommend that you practice by yourself from time to time. You will become more skilled and relaxed during intercourse and enjoy it more.