Your brain's ability to learn plays an important role in your pleasure of sexuality. Through practice, you'll learn to enjoy new kinds of stimulation and new techniques.
Nerve endings for different stimuli
Human genitalia contain a vast number of nerve endings (they're also called receptors) that are sensitive to different stimuli: some to friction or stroking, others from pressure, through specific movements, by tensing specific muscles, to pain etc. If a nerve ending is stimulated, it will send an impulse (that's a message) via nerves to the brain.
The brain has to learn to understand stimuli…
When the brain receives information, sent via the nerves, it doesn't know what to do with it at first. Only with time will it learn to distinguish between different information and to recognize them as pleasant or unpleasant and connect them to sexual arousal. With every touch, every movement, every muscular action – the paths between nerve endings and brain, called nerves, get thicker and faster. The area in the brain dedicated to them will be developing more and more, too.
…more concretely: The brain has to build switch points
How exactly does this work in the brain? In our cortex (to be precise: in our somatosensory cortex), there is an area dedicated to the sensations in your genitalia. It lies, a little hidden away, in the large gap of the brain in the middle on the top of your head. In order for you to really feel something that's happening in your genitalia, this area of the brain will have to build synapses. Synapses are switch points between nerve cells (so-called neurons). Without synapses, no information can be stored or conveyed. Synapses will only form when the nerves between this area of the brain and the nerve endings in your genitalia send nerve impulses frequently enough. And this they will only do when you stimulate these nerve endings frequently enough.
Different areas, different nerves
Different areas in your body are populated by different kinds of nerve endings. Consequently, your sexual learning is highly influenced by exactly where and how you stimulate yourself. Based on what areas you stimulate with your own very individual stimulation techniques, different kinds of nerve endings are stimulated. What do you stimulate? In the female genitalia – the clitoris? Where exactly? Your labia? Vaginal entrance? Or the vagina? Where exactly? In the male genitalia – the penis? Where exactly? Glans, shaft, foreskin? The scrotum? As a trans or intersex person, where exactly do you stimulate your genitalia? And what about the perienum? The anus? Breasts? Other parts of your body? And how exactly do you stimulate yourself? Do you rub or press, carress or massage? Gently or ferociously? Slowly or quickly? Do you touch yourself or do you use toys or objects? Or do you press body parts or press your body against something? Which muscles are working? How do you move your body? How do you breathe?
Repetitions create sexual preferences
What happens if you frequently sexually arouse yourself in a similar manner? The nerves between specific nerve endings and your brain will grow thicker. They will also become smoother because a layer of myelin forms around them. Myelin is full of proteins and fats and facilitates the transfer of information faster. Thanks to multiple repetitions, nerve impulses sent to the brain will eventually run at near lightning speed. And, the area in your brain dedicated to this will develop more and more thanks to continually growing synapses. This means: More and more, your brain will learn to find this method of sexual arousal arousing. And, of course, your sexual preferences will form according to this, as well.
Your arousal technique will translate to your sexual fantasies
Interestingly, the way you stimulate and use your body during sexual arousal will translate to your sexual fantasies: If you have female genitalia and massage inside your vagina during masturbation, you'll be likely to develop sexual fantasies of taking something in with your vagina. If you tense your muscles a lot during sexual arousal, you might develop fantasies of being tied up or being "taken" hard. On the other hand, if you move your body, you're going to be more likely to develop fantasies of being active and moving during sex. If you have male genitalia and move your pelvis forward and back during masturbation, you are more likely to develop fantasies of actively penetrating someone with your penis. If you sit bent and motionless, rubbing only with your hand, you probably won't have such active male fantasies. Or, if you lie on your stomach during masturbation and exert a lot of pressure on the penis it won't feel so much, because the blood supply is somewhat cut off. Consequently, it is possible that your arousal will wander to the anal region and you might develop fantasies of someone penetrating you. Maybe you're worried about your fantasies and ask yourself if they're normal. Yes, they are. They're just a mirror of your arousal technique.
Unused nerves are like bumpy field roads
Nerve endings that you don't stimulate will fall asleep, a bit. It's like their paths to the brain are bumpy like field roads. No synapses will form in the respective area in the brain. This area will slumber a bit, so to speak. Pleasurable arousal during vaginal intercourse is often hard for people who are used to totally different ways of arousing themselves during masturbation. For instance, if a woman arouses herself solely by touching the head of her clitoris, she might reach orgasm like this very reliably. The corresponding area in her brain will be full of synapses and the nerves in-between are thick and nicely coated with myelin. But she will not reach orgasm via vaginal stimulation, and she may not even be enjoying vaginal intercourse much. Her vagina is simply not used to touch. That area in her brain has no synapses yet, and the nerves are thin and lack myelin. Or picture a man who's used to arousing himself in a stiff posture and with a lot of pressure and fast rubbing motion. It would be understandable that, during sexual intercourse, he might have a hard time becoming erect or raising his arousal to ejaculation. The vagina provides more moist, gentle stimulation than his hand, and his penis isn't used to either this gentler stimulation or the movement of his pelvis. So if your goal is to enjoy vaginal intercourse, you'll first have to thicken and expand the unused field roads and the inactivated areas in your brain with lots and lots of repetitions.
How often will I have to practice?
It takes a lot of repetition for the brain to learn. This means that it takes many touches of one area in your genitalia, which are transmitted via the nerves to the brain, so that a synapse is formed in the corresponding area of the brain. Therefore: Be patient and don’t give up. It is also important that your focus is on what you're doing when practicing. If you constantly think "this is boring", the training effect is much less than if you approach it in a good mood. More tips for practicing can be found in the chapters sex tips, techniques and exercises for women and sex tips, techniques and exercises for men.
Why should I know about sexual learning?
Maybe you're reading for the first time here that sexual preferences are formed through repetition, and that your sexual fantasies are influenced by how you use your body during sexual arousal. Lack of knowledge can lead to problems. For instance, people tend to experience their sexual preferences, fantasies and perceived limitations as unchangeable. Consequently, they feel helpless if they have a sexual problem. Therefore, it's important for you to know: You have a right to inform yourself and have access to correct and current information about sexuality.