In a relationship, the needs of both of you are equally important. You are responsible for communicating what your needs are and how they can be met. The other way around: see if you can give what is wanted from you.
Why is it worth saying what I want?
“That's the tenth text message from Meike today... She's really getting on my nerves. Maybe she'll notice on her own if I don't text her back.” That's nasty. We often think that our partner should be able to tell what's going on inside us and what we want. But no one can see clairvoyantly or read our thoughts. So they can only guess what we're thinking. Guesses are very often wrong. It's nicer if you let the other person know what you want from them. Then there is no accumulation of unspoken frustration.
Why do I need my own opinion?
Who makes the decisions in your relationship? And do you ever ask yourself: Do I really want things to be the way they are? Do you ask yourself what you want instead? Do you stand up for it? Don't leave decisions to your partner that also affect you. Talk to each other. Especially if you live with someone, you need your own opinion so that you can stand up for yourself and your well-being. Otherwise, living together will be difficult.
Why is it pointless to hope for change?
In any relationship, it is important that you ensure your own satisfaction. Perhaps your partner is not meeting your expectations in certain things. Make sure that you don't start to despise them because of this. If you always have the feeling that they are not interested enough in you, ask yourself whether you have chosen the right person.
Why doesn't my partner think of being different?
Wishing someone would change is useless - your boyfriend or girlfriend won't change the way you want them to. They have their own wishes and needs that don't have to match yours.
Anger helps you to stand up for your needs
Anger can be very helpful. Think of your anger as a little helping figure that keeps telling you what you need. With this knowledge, you can negotiate with your partner about your relationship. Think about how you would like to be treated in a relationship. You always have the right to look for more suitable partners.
How do I facilitate a loving conversation?
Perhaps you have taken it into your heart to say what you want. Leave it to the other person to decide for themselves whether they can respect and fulfil your wishes. A conversation in which you co-create a solution is more promising than one in which you offer a solution that the other person just has to say yes to. If your partner can see that you are being honest and keeping your options open, you have a good chance of having a conversation that brings you closer together, rather than an argument.
How do I make demands without straining the relationship?
You are both in your relationship by choice, and neither of you has an automatic right to have your wishes fulfilled. If you want your partner to like you for a longer period of time, stop demanding. You are also being demanding if you keep going until they block you. If you want something, it doesn't need constant demands, but seduction. Seduction means that you make your partner want you and a relationship with you.
How do I make them want to fulfill my wishes?
It won't motivate your partner if you accuse them of not being affectionate enough. Instead, you can do things that make them want to be affectionate with you. This desire arises when they can develop a little longing for you. They won't have this desire if you're constantly on their back. But if you show that you are an independent woman or man with your own hobbies and friends.
Why does the relationship develop further when I am independent?
When your partner sees that you can go out without him or her and that you know how to take care of yourself, he or she will miss you a little more. And then you offer yourself in bits and pieces and see what happens. In this text, we write more about how you can remain independent in a relationship.
Giving up your needs is not a long-term solution
If you get along just “to keep the peace”, you will be faced with the same questions over and over again, and you will become frustrated. After all, you are not taking your needs seriously. Your partner may no longer want to have sex, travel, go to the theater or give up certain sports. But it can't be that they also determine your life if you don't want that.
Free wishes and expression
Anger, disappointment or threatening complaints (e.g. “I have a right to...”) will not lead to success here. Instead, negotiate seriously with each other. And in such a way that you can both freely express what you want.
How can our relationship improve?
A relationship improves when both of you are satisfied. You stand up for your needs and your partner stands up for theirs. You will only be as satisfied as you are willing to work for your satisfaction. Stay in touch with what you want and need. It's not about “I can somehow deal with that” or “I can cope with that”. Your actual goal is to make things ideal for you.
How can we find solutions that leave no one behind?
You can always make reasonable compromises when you negotiate together. Be honest with yourself. If you were to take a truth pill, what things in the relationship are bothering you? Talk about them and find a solution. One thing at a time. See if you are happy with the solution.
Don't push the things that bother you aside
If there's something in the relationship that's bothering you, don't push it away, but keep working on it to find solutions. You can learn to represent your own interests appropriately and only compromise to the extent that you and your partner are not dissatisfied.
How can we be close and independent at the same time?
Then you can be close to each other and still get what you want. Standing up for yourself without giving up on relationships - if you can do that, it's very helpful. You need this almost everywhere: in love relationships, at school or at work.
Breaking up is a learning experience
A bad relationship is NOT better than no relationship at all. Imagine you're always waiting for things to change by themselves. You make more and more decisions that bind you to each other. Maybe you get married and have children together. If you only then realize that there are things you can't live with in the long term, it's much harder to break up. Your expectations of a partner change over time.
What do I take with me after a break-up?
Some things cannot be overcome despite many conversations. And you both become more and more unhappy. That's why it's okay and good to break up with someone. Breaking up is not a sign of weakness. It shows that there was something in the relationship that was so important to you that you are not willing to give it up. You've learned something about yourself.