I went on a first date with a very lovely girl.
All I knew before the date was that she has a disability which makes it difficult for her to walk.
But, during the date, she zoned out and became unresponsive for half a minute and then she told me that she just had a epileptic seizure. I got scared and worried, but she assured me that she is fine.
We both enjoyed our time together and want to continue to see each other.
I'd like to know about her condition(at least enough information) to plan activities that are in her comfort zone and also to learn required first aid, if any, specific to her condition in case of an emergency.
I don't know how to approach the topic and when to bring it up especially coz her good friend, whose contact I don't have, strongly advised me against it.
Any advice is much appreciated.
Thanks.
Unsere Antwort
I am honestly impressed by how much consideration and care you are showing in your interactions with this girl. That is a key part of successfully dealing with difficult topics.
I understand that it was unsettling for you to experience her epileptic seizure. I think you are trying to deal with your worries and insecurity by getting more information and by knowing what to do. You might also be worried about her safety and want to make sure she is safe. You might want to help her. All of that is very understandable. It makes sense that you are looking for some relief and assurance in that regard. You are not as used to this situation (yet) as she is.
I think the important question here is: How can you find a balance between what you need and what she needs? How can you interact in a way that makes both of you feel seen and validated in your needs?
You already know from her friend that there is a high probability she won't react well to you approaching her with your need to help her and to learn about her disability. How do you make sense of that? Can you see why she might not want that?
I don't know her at all, so I can only try to provide some general thoughts. Many people with disabilities experience very, very often that other people view them as “needing help”. That can be really frustrating. It's sometimes called ableism and it is considered a type of discrimination. I get the feeling that you are a very sensitive person, so I'm sure you can imagine what it would be like if you were to constantly experience that others perceive you as “less able” or “not able” to do something. It is probably worthwhile to keep that in the back of your mind when approaching her with your needs.
Again, what you want is valid. But given the circumstances, it might be wise to approach this topic with caution. Maybe for now you can find a way to believe her when she says she's fine. Let her choose which activities you do together next — that way you don't have to know or speculate about what works and what doesn't. These could be ways of respecting her and taking little steps towards getting to know her comfort zone. Don't make her carry the load of your difficult emotions concerning her disability just yet. Take this slow.
If you feel like you really have to talk about it soon, consider what could make her more open to hearing what you want from her. How can you focus on what you like about her and what you would like to keep, instead of putting her disability at the center of the conversation? How can she feel safe and valued for the lovely girl that she is rather than rescued by someone who thinks she needs that?
I hope these thoughts are helpful to you. From what you've written, I believe you are very capable of finding a good way to deal with this.
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