Dissociation enables you to distance yourself from bad memories or feelings, or even from unwanted inner aspects of yourself. You might feel numb or strange or unreal. You might hurt yourself to bring yourself back from a dissociated state.
Why does dissociation happen?
Dissociation is a survival strategy after events you experienced as traumatic. When you are constantly being flooded by bad memories, images and feelings, you can no longer choose what to focus on. In order for your mind to cope, it dissociates. You can read about other survival strategies in this text.
What is dissociation?
Dissociation means splitting off. It can take different forms:
- Your memory shuts down: You don't remember traumatic events. You may also have difficulty remembering certain periods of your life. Or you keep losing track of time on some days or you experience time in a distorted way –much faster or much slower.
- Your perception is altered. Areas of your body might feel numb, or you may move unsteadily. You might disengage internally and no longer notice your surroundings, or perceive them in a distorted way.
- Your sense of identity or self can feel uncertain. It may feel as if some feelings and thoughts do not belong to you. You may think, "That's not me. I don't think like that!".
How do dissociation and self-harm play together?
When dissociation affects the perception of your body and when internal tensions are high, you might begin to self-harm in order to bring yourself back from the dissociated state and feel again. You might cut your arms, pinch yourself, bang your head on the wall, or burn yourself with candles or cigarettes. Or you hurt yourself in other ways. Most people say they barely feel the physical pain. They do, however, feel much calmer after self-harming. Maybe this is how you feel, as well.
How can I prevent hurting myself?
Here are some practical tips on how you can influence your level of tension and get back in touch of yourself:
- do not stop breathing, but rather, focus on breathing slowly, exhaling a little longer than you inhale
- pinch yourself; snap a rubber band you wear around your arm like a bracelet; press a hard or pointy ball
- fill the sink with cold water and dunk your face in it, or take a cold shower or alternate between hot and cold
- smell something with strong odor (e.g., ammonia, peppermint); chew on ginger or something else with an intense flavor
- listen to loud music, preferably singing and dancing along
- do sports, for example jogging
- talk to your friends, confide in a trusted person
We also recommend that you seek out psychotherapists or other professionals with whom you can learn to feel the feelings you are currently blocking out by self-harming.
What is structural dissociation?
Long and chronic exposure to violence can cause your entire personality to become dissociatively organized. This is called structural dissociation.
If you are affected by this, you have different parts of your personality that are more or less separate from each other. Each part feels in its unique way and has certain tasks and abilities. Maybe you manage to live with several "inner persons". Each of these personality parts has a logical origin story and a good reason for its behavior.
Important: These "inner persons" are not actually independent persons, no matter how disconnected they may feel. In psychotherapy, you can learn to connect them.
What does my inner world look like?
If you have such distinct different parts, then they may take on certain roles. Usually, one part is responsible for functioning in everyday life and keeping contact with the "outside world". This part often does not want to know about the other inner personality parts, because they disturb daily life, do not pay attention and are often confused. This is because they remember the traumatic experiences they've had. They are constantly on guard and act as if the violence could happen again at any moment. In doing so, they typically take on the following roles:
- The parts that keep reminding us of traumatic experiences are often childlike and needy. They want to be taken care of better than they used to be. They activate the traumatic memories most intensively and suffer from constantly reliving these memories.
- Some parts want to help others. They know how to comfort and soothe.
- Some parts might think and want to do bad, brutal and evil things. They think similarly to the perpetrators of the past. They might threaten and punish the other parts.
- There might be angry parts that are fighters and feel invincible. They tend to take risks and behave very recklessly.
- Finally, some parts are very ashamed – too ashamed to seek or accept help.
When your personality parts learn to work together, you become self-confident. You can help yourself and more easily accept help from others.
How can I learn to manage my inner world better?
We highly recommend that you do psychotherapy with someone who also specializes in trauma and dissociation. The focus should be to work on the dissociation. Do not expect results too quickly. It takes time to deal with dissociation and the effects of trauma.
Until you start therapy, you can observe what's good for you and what's not. Don't be intimidated by chaos in your inner world. Gather all your courage and observe the chaos. You may observe that you can't take good care of yourself. We recommend that you establish a "wellness program" in small steps. This can include the following:
- Sports that are enjoyable and fun.
- Delicious food that you eat slowly and perhaps even prepare yourself.
- Time to retreat by watching trivial shows on TV without feeling guilty.
- Physical therapy or body therapy where you learn to influence your mood through movement.
- Bathing or showering.
- Swimming or spa treatments.
The goal is activity. You will feel better when you experience yourself in action. The specific action is not that important. The main thing is that you do something. Take our suggestions as a source of inspiration and think about what kind of pampering you would like to try. Plan in small steps, and don't let your guilty conscience get in the way.