Hi Lili,
The woman I am seeing at the moment told me that she doesn't want to have intercourse coz she doesn't want to grow feelings early.
It is not a big deal for me to wait until she's ready.
We have been intimate 3 times out of the 4 times we have seen each other.
Each time we were in the bedroom, we had loads of kissing, and I made her cum several times with my fingers.
But, not even once she has made me cum.
I make sure that I am fully clean, and shaved down there. But, she doesn't even touch my penis without me bringing her attention towards it. Then she reluctantly strokes it for a brief time. Last time, I was very frustrated by her reluctance but didnt know how to express it, so I told her not to bother, and just carried on as if everything was normal.
If she doesn't want to have intercourse she can give me pleasure with a blowjob or a handjob. But she doesn't seem to care.
I feel very rejected not coz she doesn't want to have intercourse with me but coz she doesn't seem to care about my pleasure, and orgasm.
How do I communicate my expectation?
On one hand, I feel my ego bruised that I have to ask her to pleasure me, and on the other hand, I dont want to make her feel hurt/feel guilty.
What do I say? Can you please give an example?
Unsere Antwort
First, a general piece advice regarding the bruised ego: It can be very validating if a woman is totally turned on by your penis. However, quite a few women aren't that genitally focused. Being genitally intimate, for them, becomes desirable only after and during real emotional intimacy. This has nothing to do with how sexy you are. If you have a good relationship with your penis, you know your penis is fine and your sexuality is okay, and you can deal much better with a woman who doesn't desire to touch it.
As for this woman: What are you interested in with this woman? Are you interested in casual sex or in a relationship? The way you describe her, she's not one for casual sex. She's not interested in "giving you pleasure". She might be interested in building up a relationship with you. Maybe she needs to know and love you to feel the desire to be intimate with your penis. Kissing builds emotional closeness much more than oral sex. And she seems to be really interested in kissing.
If you're interested in maybe having a relationship with this woman, my suggestion is: be patient. If it were up to her, she might wait with sexual encounters altogether and want more emotional closeness before venturing into genital closeness.
Being intimate genitally can be deceiving: It builds some semblance of being close, of belonging together. In reality, however, you hardly know each other. I think this is what she means by she doesn't want to grow feelings early. Maybe she wants to find out if you're a good personal and emotional match first. And she might want to test your patience: "Am I important enough as a person to him that he will wait a bit?"
If you're more interested in casual sex, I suggest you call it quits with her and look for a woman who wants this, as well.
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