Sex tips and exercises / Sex tips, techniques, and exercises for all:

Masturbation is a great way to learn what you like in sex. You get to know your genitals and to find out what arouses you. With practice, you can learn to find many different types of touch arousing. Solo sex is a great way to enrich and improve your sex life.

What is the right way to masturbate?

No matter what anybody tells you, there's no right way to masturbate. There are countless ways to awaken and increase sexual arousal. Maybe you already know a surefire way to get to orgasm but it feels a bit boring and unsatisfying, a bit same old same old. That’s why it’s a great idea to stay curious and to try out different things during solo sex. It’s how you expand your sexual repertoire. You might also think of it as exploring your genital territory — the better you know it, the more fun you’ll have.

How do I find out what arouses me sexually?

Take your time. It's a kind of journey to discover what your body can feel and what arouses you sexually. This journey might take time because the sensitive areas have to be «awakened» first. You can read more about how that works in our text «How does sexual learning work?». It can take a while for your «sexual taste» to develop. It may take even more time before you gradually arouse yourself to the point of orgasm. We recommend that you take at least half an hour, three times a week, for your journey of discovery.

How do I get to know my genitals and sexual arousal?

It helps if you know a little bit about where the most sensitive parts of your body are. If you have never really looked at your genitals, you could start out by exploring these body parts. You should also know how sexual arousal works. You can read the linked texts before you continue. Or you can read them later.

How long should I masturbate?

Solo sex takes anything from a few seconds to several hours. If it takes as long as you want it to, everything is fine. If you just want to enjoy an orgasm, you might just want a quick ride. If you want to really savor the process of getting there, we suggest you take at least 15 minutes, or, better yet, half an hour – or even longer.

Where do I masturbate?

You can masturbate anywhere where you don't disturb anyone and nobody disturbs you. We recommend a comfortable place, like your bed or a nice warm shower. Make sure the door is locked or has a "Please don’t disturb" sign on it — and be assertive with the other people in your flat or house about this being your space and time. If you want to focus on pleasure, you need to be in a relaxed state of mind. For more information on solo sex and privacy, please read this text.

What about lube?

Ideally, you’ll have a good oil (e.g. sweet almond oil, olive oil, sunflower oil, jojoba oil etc.) or some other kind of lube at hand. If not, then a lot of spit will also do the trick. Moist touch is usually more pleasurable than dry touch. You can also experiment with shower gel and body lotion during and after showering or a bath. If you have a vagina, just be careful not to get shower gel or lotion inside the vagina because it might upset the vaginal flora. Pure oils are fine! Just be careful not to use a latex condom until 12 hours later, because oil can destroy latex. You can read all about lube in this text.

Where do I start?

We have compiled some specific solo sex tips for women and all people with vulvas and vaginas, and for men and all penis owners. They’ll give you some ideas on where to start your journey.

How do I notice what I like?

Feeling physical sensations is a matter of practice. In fact, you are your own best teacher. You alone can feel your body. You alone know what feels pleasant. Take time to caress your genitals and other parts of your body with your hands. Notice exactly how the touches feel. Don't be put off if you don't feel anything arousing at first. Even experiencing a touch as dull and boring is normal. Have you ever eaten food that you didn’t like very much at first but the more times you tried it, the better it tasted? Again, take a look at our texts on sexual learning and, if you have a vagina, on feeling more inside the vagina.

Loosen up: Tense muscles can spoil the fun

There's a simple rule: tightening muscles increases sexual arousal. But if you maintain constant high tension in the muscles of your pelvis, butt, stomach and thighs, the blood flow to your genitals decreases. Where there's less blood, there’s less sensation. Where there's less sensation, there's less pleasure and control over arousal. If you have a penis, this can lead to rapid ejaculation or erectile difficulties. If you have a vagina you might feel pain during intercourse or have difficulties getting wet. You'll find more information in this text about the effects of high muscular tension.

Why is movement helpful?

The great thing about moving is that your muscles can't get stuck in a state of high muscular tension. They constantly alternate between tension and relaxation. This increases your blood flow. It's much better than just relaxing during sex because sexual arousal needs some muscular tension. So, movement is a great way to combine sexual arousal and pleasurable sensations. If you move your entire body, you'll experience your sexual arousal much more intensely than if you sit or lie still. When your body is in motion you’re more relaxed, both physically and emotionally. That means you’re more open-minded and less critical toward exploration. Tension can support negative emotions like repulsion or shame. Movement will allow you to have more pleasurable and positive emotions toward your genitals and your partner. Please also read this text for men and all penis owners and this text on movement for women and all vagina owners.

How do I move during masturbation?

You can move your body anyway you want. If you don’t know how to, think of yourself dancing slowly or lightly. Or stroking a chair leg like a cat. The pelvic swing is another great way to move during sex. Please look at these tips if you have a penis, and at these tips if you have a vagina. Another way to move is through abdominal breathing. There are so many muscles involved in breathing, and if you breathe in and out deeply, you alternately tense and relax muscles all the way down to your pelvis. You'll learn more about this in our text on abdominal breathing. Finally, there are various ways to consciously play with the pelvic floor muscles. This way, you can massage and stimulate your genitals from the inside. If you have a vagina, you can read more about this here. (We're currently working on translating the text for men and penis owners).

What other arousal sources are there?

Observe what goes through your mind during solo sex. The more things you try and the more you move, the more colorful and richer your sexual fantasies become. Smell and taste can also be sexually exciting. Slide your hand through your pubic hair if you have it and smell it. How do you like the smell? If you have a vagina: What does the vaginal fluid taste like? If you have a penis, try how the sperm tastes to you. (No, you can't get infected with anything if it's your own fluids.)

What about porn and erotica?

Erotic material (also called erotica) such as porn, erotic books, audio books, or pictures can all be great arousal sources. They can be really good for inspiration and for increasing your sexual desire, arousal and repertoire.  So, if you’re interested, give it a go and try out different kinds of erotica and see what you like. One thing, however: we recommend not relying on erotica too heavily – because you don’t feel as much in your body when your attention is elsewhere.

Be mindful that providers of pornographic material are usually not allowed to make them available to people under a certain age: 16 in Switzerland, 18 in many other countries (e.g. Germany, UK). Even so, you yourself are not doing anything illegal by watching them. There are, however, countries where porn, in and of itself, is illegal. Please check the laws in your country.

Repeat, repeat, repeat!

We can't stress this enough: You learn by repetition, as we explain in our text on sexual learning. If you understand why repetition is so important, you will, in all likelihood, have more patience. Something might feel boring at the beginning. But after you've done it fifty times, you might suddenly think, «OMG...! »