Sexuality: facts and tips / Sex tips and exercises for women and all vulva & vagina owners:

If you do our exercises regularly, you will become more and more familiar with your vagina over time. The more you know about your vagina, the more you can do to make intercourse feel good for you.

Why is it worth it if I familiarize myself with my vagina?

If you want to have vaginal intercourse, it is worth practicing to feel more inside the vagina. It can also be very interesting for yourself: The vagina is a kind of cave that women have within themselves. If you know and feel this "inside" well and experience it as enjoyable, this will boost your sexual self confidence as a woman. And finally, by practicing, you can learn to reach orgasm through vaginal stimulation.

Can I see what my vagina looks like?

A vagina is inside your body, so you can't directly look at it. But during your next gynecological check-up you could bring or ask for a pocket mirror. When the gynecologist inserts the speculum to examine your vagina, you can use the mirror to look into the vagina – right up to the cervix. You can also order a speculum on the Internet and take a look for yourself with a flashlight and a mirror.

What do I imagine a vagina to look like?

Have you ever drawn your vagina? From your imagination? Your drawing shows you how familiar you are with your vagina. Try it. It doesn't matter how "correct" it looks. The drawing simply shows you what kind of relationship you have with your vagina. Once you have become more familiar with your vagina, draw it again. Your drawing will probably look very different.

What is the structure of the vagina?

Have you drawn your vagina? Then take a closer look at its structure. Please read our text "The vagina".

How do I explore my vagina?

We recommend that you explore your vagina several times a week. Find a comfortable spot – e.g. your bed, where you can lie or sit back undisturbed. Make sure you have some oil or lube at hand. You can use cold-pressed almond oil, for example. You can buy this in a pharmacy. If you don't have any oil or lubricant, a lot of saliva will help. If you want to explore your vagina with one or more fingers, it's much more comfortable if your hand is wet. You may want to put your other hand on your stomach. This hand should be as warm as possible. You can use the warm hand to soften and relax your stomach. Many things feel more pleasant with a relaxed stomach.

Which position and which fingers?

If you lie flat or stand up straight, you may not be able take in a finger with your vagina – because your arms are not that long. When in bed, build up a few pillows behind your back so that your back is slightly upright. Another option is to lie on your side and bend your back until the vagina can take in your finger well. Try this with different fingers and see which one works best. You may also be able to take in two or three fingers. Try the ones that work best. Try the thumb, too. The thumb is the best way to explore the rear regions of the vaginal wall.

What if it hurts?

Maybe it hurts to try to insert a finger into your vagina. Usually this is due to tense pelvic floor muscles. These muscles surround the entrance of the vagina. There are things you can do to relax these muscles: You can consciously relax your pelvic floor muscles. You can breathe deeply into your abdomen. And you can move your pelvis. If you put a finger tip at your vaginal entrance and move your pelvis forward, your vagina takes in your finger. This is why we prefer to "Your vagina takes up the finger" – and not "you insert the finger into the vagina". You can move your vagina towards your finger with your pelvis just as well as you can insert your finger into it. Have you noticed that you can't insert a finger into your vagina without pain, even though you move, breathe and relax your pelvic floor? Then read our tips on "Overcoming vaginismus: Tips for practising alone".

What does the finger perceive?

Pay attention to what you can feel when your finger is inside the vagina. What does the vaginal wall feel like? Does it feel the same all over? How far is your finger inside the vagina? Can you find the cervix? You can also try to find your hymen. It's a good idea to have a pocket mirror at hand. The hymen looks a bit like a scrunchy around your vaginal entrance.

What does the vagina perceive?

You might think: "I can't feel anything in my vagina". But think again. Is it completely numb? Or are you feeling something - but it's just meaningless and not arousing at all? This is normal: we're not talking about sexual arousal here. We're talking about paying attention to your vagina at all. Can your vagina feel that there's something in there now? Try different touches. How does it feel when you stroke it gently? How does it feel when you press harder? Is it more sensitive in the first three centimetres than further back? Is it more sensitive at the front or back? How does your G-zone feel? How does the cervix feel?

How many fingers should fit inside the vagina?

Firstly, there is no right or wrong answer. If you can easily fit 3 fingers in your vagina at the same time, your pelvic floor muscles are loose enough to accommodate a dildo or penis. This is often not possible at first. The pelvic floor muscles tend to be tense. We recommend that you start by using a finger to massage the inside of your vagina a little - like a tense neck. You can also apply pressure - just like a massage. You won't break anything.

Then we recommend our tips on pelvic floor muscles, breathing and more movement. Have you noticed that even after a long "warm-up" there is never room for more than one finger inside your vagina? Then we recommend our tips on "Overcoming vaginismus: Tips for practicing alone".

Why is it worth moving the pelvis?

Here's a little experiment: Hold your body still and move your finger. Then keep your finger still and move your body. You'll notice that it feels completely different. When does your vagina feel more? You'll probably find that it feels more interesting when you move your pelvis. This is because movement increases blood flow. More blood flow means more sensation. Please read our text "Why should women move during sex?". We also perceive moving body parts better than still ones, because the brain finds changing stimuli more interesting than stagnant ones.

How can I benefit from playing with my pelvic floor muscles?

Imagine alternately contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. This is a good way to get a better sense of your vagina. This is because we have nerve endings in the muscles as well, and these can be stimulated. You can find tips on playing with these muscles in our text "Pelvic floor training for women for sex".

What is the benefit of playing with my breath?

Breathing is actually a kind of movement. Depending on how you breathe, different parts of your lungs are aired and expanded. This is movement. This movement is most intense when you breathe down into your abdomen. When you breathe in and out deeply, it's not just your abdominal muscles that move, but also the muscles in your pelvic floor. They stretch when you inhale and contract slightly when you exhale. You can read more about this in our tips "Abdominal breathing revitalizes and calms".

Can I use a dildo or vibrator?

We recommend that you start by practising with just one or more fingers. This is because you can explore the vagina better with your own hand. And your finger will feel something itself. This will help you learn to feel.

How can I practise during petting?

Everything we describe for practice in this text can also be done with your partner. We recommend that he or she reads this text as well. Anyone who has sex with you should know the structure of the vagina. And they should know which touches make more sense than others. Your partners can use their hands, tongues, and any sex toys. It is important that you talk about what you do and how you experience it. After all, you are a research team.

Why should I also practice alone?

When you practice alone, you won't be distracted. And you can do exactly what you want. You can really focus all your attention on yourself and your vagina. That's why we highly recommend that you also practice alone.

Why is frequent practice important?

If you repeat a touch often, your vagina will feel more. You can read why this is the case in our text "How does sexual learning work?". If a touch feels good, repeat it and increase the intensity. If you practice often, you will find that touching your vagina becomes more and more arousing over time. Pay attention to what arouses you sexually and what happens in your vagina when you are sexually aroused. What does the finger feel? Does your vagina get wet? Does it get wider? Do your muscles move differently?

How long do I need to practice?

If you practice for 20 minutes three times a week, you will notice changes relatively quickly. But you may find it difficult to practice for that long. You can also touch your vagina for a few minutes every day: for example, in the shower, on the toilet, or when applying lotion after a shower. Anything counts. But the important thing is that your attention is in your vagina. So if you have one finger in your vagina and the other hand typing on your smartphone, you're definitely not going to learn to feel anything in your vagina. Learning requires attention.

What if I don't notice any progress?

You may have high expectations. You think you've only made progress if you find touching your vagina totally arousing. That's not true: even if you feel something – anything –, that's progress. And if you experience something as pleasant, that's even more progress. And if it's a little arousing somewhere, that's another step. Pleasure and excitement are not a prerequisite for practicing, they are your ultimate goal. Enjoy every little step, that makes the practice interesting. And it will keep your curiosity alive. Take a look at this illustration: