Sexuality: facts and tips / Sex tips and exercises for women and all vulva & vagina owners:

If you do our exercises regularly, you will become more and more familiar with your vagina over time. The more you know about your vagina, the more you can do to make intercourse feel good for you.

Why is it worth it if I familiarize myself with my vagina?

If you want to have vaginal intercourse, it is worth practicing to feel more inside the vagina. It can also be very interesting for yourself: The vagina is a kind of cave that women have within themselves. If you know and feel this "inside" well and experience it as enjoyable, this will boost your sexual self confidence as a woman. And finally, by practicing, you can learn to reach orgasm through vaginal stimulation.

Can I see what my vagina looks like?

A vagina is inside your body, so you can't directly look at it. But during your next gynecological check-up you could bring or ask for a pocket mirror. When the gynecologist inserts the speculum to examine your vagina, you can use the mirror to look into the vagina – right up to the cervix. You can also order a speculum on the Internet and take a look for yourself with a flashlight and a mirror.

Am I best friends with my vagina?

Lots of women don't have much of a relationship with their vagina. It's never too late to build one up. Here's an idea: Imagine a little dialogue with your vagina. You might also want to write it down. Is your vagina an "it"? Or is your vagina a "she"? Or what? Ask your vagina how your vagina's doing. How comfortable is your vagina to be part of your body? Does your vagina feel well attended to? Does your vagina feel you have a good relationship? What needs and desires does your vagina have? Has your vagina ever thought about running away? Drawing your vagina also shows you how familiar you are with your vagina, and what relationship you have with your vagina. Try it. Don't worry about anatomical accuracy. This is about your very own perception. After you've explored and familiarized yourself with your vagina, draw another picture again. This drawing might look completely different.

How do I explore my vagina?

We recommend that you explore your vagina several times a week. Find a comfortable spot – e.g. your bed, where you can lie or sit back undisturbed. Make sure you have some oil at hand. We recommend cold-pressed almond or coconut oil. Or, you can take any oil from the kitchen. If you want to have sex with a latex condom within the next 24 hours, use water-based lube or a lot of spit, because oil destroys latex. If you want to explore your vagina with one or more fingers, it's much more comfortable when your hand is wet. Maybe you want to put the other hand on your stomach – provided your hand's warm. This way you can soften your stomach and relax. Many things feel more pleasant with a relaxed stomach.

Which position and which fingers?

If you lie flat or stand up straight, you may not be able take in a finger with your vagina – because your arms are not that long. When in bed, build up a few pillows behind your back so that your back is slightly upright. Another option is to lie on your side and bend your back until the vagina can take in your finger well. Try this with different fingers and see which one works best. You may also be able to take in two or three fingers. Try the ones that work best. Try the thumb, too. The thumb is the best way to explore the rear regions of the vaginal wall.

What if it hurts?

Maybe it hurts to try to insert a finger into your vagina. Usually this is due to tense pelvic floor muscles. These muscles surround the entrance of the vagina. Your pelvic floor muscles are loose when your vagina can easily take in three fingers at a time. There are a couple of tricks to relax these muscles. Deep breathing is one. Another one is to move your pelvis. If you put a finger tip at your vaginal entrance and move your pelvis forward, your vagina takes in your finger. This is why we prefer to "Your vagina takes up the finger" – and not "you insert the finger into the vagina". You can move your vagina towards your finger with your pelvis just as well as you can insert your finger into it. This way your vagina becomes active and decides at which speed to go. Also, movement of your pelvis will mean more movement and better loosening of your pelvic floor muscles. Please read our tips on moving your pelvis.

What does the vagina look like?

Imagine your finger having a little eye on its finger tip. What would it see? What does it feel? How would you describe the vaginal wall? Does it appear to be the same everywhere? How deep does your finger sink into the vagina? How big is it? Can you find the cervix? You can also try to locate your hymen or vaginal corona at your vaginal entrance. We suggest you take a pocket mirror and look for it. It looks a bit like a scrunchy around your vaginal entrance.

What does the vagina perceive?

Some women say "I don't feel anything inside my vagina". But if you ask more precisely, they do, in fact, feel something. It just feels "meh" and not arousing at all. Anyway, we're not talking about arousal yet. This is more about making sure your vagina perceives anything. Try different touches. How does your vagina perceive soft strokes? How does your vagina perceive when you press harder? Does the sensitivity in the first inch or 3cm differ from the sensitivity further back? Is there a difference in sensitivity between the front wall and the back wall? Side wall? G-zone? Cervix? If a touch feels good, explore it some more.

Can I use a dildo or vibrator?

We recommend that you start by exploring your vagina with your finger or with several fingers. Your finger is a part of your body, as well, and perceives things. Your finger offers great feedback for your brain, especially where your vagina doesn't feel so much yet. A dildo doesn't. As you've explored your vagina a bit and the perception is better, go ahead and use a dildo. It's easier to reach the areas further inside with a dildo. You can also use a vibrator, but turn it off for exploration. Otherwise the vibrations might be distracting.

Can my partner take over?

It's definitely a good idea to ask your partner if he or she will explore your vagina with you. This way you both familiarize yourselves with your vagina, and a finger or hand is a good practice if you want to have vaginal intercourse. He or she also use his or her tongue or sex toys. But we strongly recommend that you also explore alone. You won't be distracted, and you can do exactly what you want. You can really focus all your attention on yourself and your vagina. Also remember the feedback your finger offers to your brain. Your partner's finger or tongue doesn't. Remember, this is about the relationship between you and your vagina.

Why is frequent exploration important?

If you repeat any kind of touch or stimulation of your vagina frequently, your vagina will perceive more and more. Please read our text on sexual learning to understand why this is so. Eventually, you will notice something arousing. Pay attention to what arouses you sexually and what happens in your vagina during sexual arousal. What does the finger notice? Is the vagina getting wetter? If you have a hard time motivating yourself to explore your vagina frequently, please read these tips on practicing.

What if I don't notice any progress?

Many women have high expectations and think that they have only made progress if they experience touching the vagina as totally arousing. That's not true: If you feel something – anything –, it's progress. And if you experience something as pleasant, it's an even greater progress. And if it's a little arousing somewhere, this is another step. Pleasure and arousal are not prerequisites for practicing, they are your ultimate goal. Enjoy every little step. This way, exploring your vagina becomes interesting, and your curiosity remains awake.