Sexual problems and solutions / Erection problems: Information and tips:

Together, you and your partner(s) can find ways to deal with and overcome erectile difficulties. An erection problem is not the end of your sexual play.

Why does it make sense to talk about erection problems?

Sure, erection problems during sex are annoying. But they do happen. What makes experienced, sexually intelligent couples stand out is their ability to not base their whole sexuality on erections. This takes good teamwork. That's why it makes sense to talk about it and make it a shared issue rather than the problem of the person with the erection difficulties.

An erection problem is not the end of your sexual play

You’re having sex and — for whatever reason — the erection disappears? Now, of course, one option is to stop completely, turn away from each other in embarrassment, and hope that it was all just a dream. Another option is to say: "Okay, this isn't working out right now — what are we going to do instead?" Stop signs just cause a stop, but a detour goes a different way. Can you think of other destinations than "just" intercourse? Can you use other body parts like your hands and your mouth? Experiment and go on a journey to see what else is possible. You’ll need courage, curiosity, and openness for this — not necessarily an erection!

What can we change?

The fear of losing an erection plays a big role. If you take the pressure off, there is a greater chance that you will experience pleasure instead of drama. So, the first important change you can make, is changing the meaning of the erection. Does your entire sexual interaction depend on an erection — or doesn’t it?

How can partners make sex easier?

You could read about sexual arousal and sexual arousal techniques. That way, you can create conditions that are more likely to trigger sexual arousal and help it to stay and increase. You can structure sex in a way that makes it easier for the person with erection problems to get an erection. It helps if you choose positions that are similar to what the person with erection problems usually does to increase their sexual arousal. Anything that aids an erection is helpful. That could be your position, rhythm, body tension and so on. It helps a lot if you talk openly about sex.

How can I have intense sex without needing so much strength?

Many people with erectile difficulties use — and thus need — intense stimulation to climax. But there are many other ways to create intensity besides the usual technique. For example, a pelvic movement can be powerful and slow at the same time. If you learn to also enjoy softer touches, slower paces, or flowing movements, you’ll have more options for exploring and enjoying your sexuality. It's not a matter of "either-or," but of “both-and."

How can we build erotic tension?

Have you ever seen a movie where you get really excited when two people get close to each other? You can also create this erotic tension with your partners. Take a look at how you deal with closeness and distance. Is there a distance between you that creates tension? Do you play with glances? What ideas do you have for building erotic tension between you?

When am I ready for penetration?

How do you decide when the time is right for penetration? Do you do it when you feel like it and really want it, or do you do it when your partner wants it? Or do you do it because you think that's how sex works? Try and see what changes when everyone tunes into themselves to really find the right moment.