Sexual problems and solutions / Erection problems: Information and tips:

Make a doctor's appointment if, for a prolonged period of time, your penis never gets hard. Often, it's not a medical issue, but the problem lies in the way you arouse yourself. No matter what the cause, you can do something to make your erection better.

What are erection problems?

When you are sexually aroused, more blood flows into your penis until it is hard. The penis does not become erect at the push of a button —  it has to feel right. It's good if you are reasonably relaxed and not under too much stress. It's good if your genitals are well supplied with blood and get enough stimulation so that you can get sexually aroused and sense your arousal well. If this is not the case for some reason, getting an erection will become more difficult. Every man or penis owner knows that sometimes it just doesn't work. That’s normal. Please read this text for more information.

What types of erection problems are there?

Maybe your erection doesn't last until orgasm. Or you don’t get an erection at all and that prevents you from having vaginal or anal intercourse. Maybe your penis gets hard, but only very briefly and inconsistently. It may well be that your erection works wonderfully during masturbation, and you only experience problems in partnered sex. If so, please read our text on erection problems during sex with others. Or the problems may occur only in certain situations, for example, only when putting on a condom or in certain positions or only during oral sex.

Sometimes, erection problems also occur alongside premature ejaculation.

When do I need to see a doctor?

Let's say you've had problems with your erection for a long time, no matter what you do. Your penis is not hard during masturbation or during sex with others. You also don't have spontaneous erections, for example in the morning (“morning wood”). Then you should definitely see a doctor, no matter how old you are. If you are older and notice that getting an erection is becoming increasingly difficult, it is also worth going to the doctor. It can be very reassuring if the doctor finds nothing wrong.

What can I do if the doctor finds something?

If erectile difficulties persist for a long time, there may be a medical cause. For example, it may be due to certain hormones or problems with blood circulation. The doctor will talk to you about what you can do. It’s important that you then do that. We highly recommend that, additionally, you work on your sexuality: You can work on your sexual technique and sexual pleasure. There are many physical exercises for this. That way, you can make sure that your erection is supported as much as possible. So, you can do something to make your erections better, even if your body is not 100 percent fit.

What if the doctor doesn't find anything?

Maybe the doctor cannot find a medical cause. Maybe all the diagnostic test results are normal. Maybe the doctor says: “It's psychological”. What does that mean? Maybe you realize that you are stressed because of the erection problem. Of course, this stress is not helpful for your sexual arousal. But even so: the erection problems started at some point before that stress was there. So what else might be going on? In most cases, the way you get sexually aroused plays a big role — that is, your “arousal technique”.

What role does my arousal technique play?

You can use your body in a way that makes your penis harder and maintains your erection. Think about what you do to get sexually aroused. There are many different techniques. Maybe the technique you use is not that good for your blood flow or the sensations in your penis. Maybe it’s also a strenuous technique. This makes it harder to have and keep an erection. Quite often, the problem is high muscle tension. If you are very tense, you dont feel the more subtle sensations. Also, the blood might not flow as well. You can test this by closing your fist very tightly. You will see that the skin around your knuckles turns white. Imagine the same thing happening in your pelvis: Sometimes, blood has a difficult time getting to your penis when you’re tense.

How can I work on my technique?

The answer is to try new things and repeat them often. In other words, practice. You can practice a new technique that is less tense and allows for more sensation and better blood flow. Movement of your pelvis and your pelvic muscles helps to increase both: Anything you move actively you perceive better. Also, ask any doctor or PE teacher: During movement, your blood circulation is better. Finally, movement is important if you want to raise your sexual arousal and don't want to rely on high tension: Sexual arousal needs intensity, and fast or big movements can help raise this intenisty. You can find tips on how to move your pelvis during sex in this text. Practicing is worthwhile for another reason: It feels good to know what you can do to influence your erection. It makes you much more confident during sex. If the problem arises during intercourse, practice like we suggest in this text. Please read this text on why practicing is so important for good sexual function.

How do I lay the groundwork for better erections?

First and foremost, build a good relationship with your penis. This means you learn to perceive your penis well, and you know what you need for an erection. You don't expect the erection to just happen. You are willing to create the most stress-free environment possible for your penis to want to become erect. That said, it's a good idea to think of your penis as a part of you with needs and desires, rather than a means to an end with the sole purpose of functioning well. We recommend this to all men: Every night, or every morning, touch your penis in bed and say hello or good night. Spend a minimum of a minute to caress it and pay attention to what your penis feels. What's pleasant? What feels weird? What feels good? This is not about getting an erection – in fact, it's precisely not what this is about. It's about building a good relationship with your penis and paying attention to what it likes. We also recommend these tips for solo sex, focusing more on pleasure and less on function.

Where can I get more sexual arousal?

If you're focusing all your attention on your erection, you're missing out. As we wrote in the last paragraph, there's a lot more to explore. Sexual arousal doesn't happen only in your penis. Your whole body is available as a source of pleasure: Use all your senses and your imagination to get aroused. If you’re looking for ideas on how to do this, please check our tips for solo sex.

How do I create a stress-free environment?

You know best what a “stress-free environment” means to you. Can you think of something that causes you stress? It could be a heavy workload or the expectation that you have to “deliver”. If you are constantly under stress, your penis will feel it too. Think: What can you do about it? How can you take care of yourself so that you're not always so on edge? What can you do to calm down in the evening? It's a good idea to do those things before you have sex. Because you need a little relaxation and looseness so that blood can flow to your penis.

To calm yourself down during sex, it's a good idea to practice deep-breathing, as well as upper body movement during sex. Both calm down your autonomous nervous system, which will set you into a more relaxed, positive state. By "practice" we mean "practice alone". You need your safe space, with nothing you have to accomplish, with nobody observing you, to practice.

How can I feel better about myself?

In our culture, many men learn that a “real man” is always in the mood and ready for sex. This affects cis men as well as anyone who identifies as being (mostly) male. So, when the erection “doesn’t work”, then that doesn't fit these stereotypical ideas. And that can affect your sense of male self-worth and get right down to your identity because you might be thinking: “Oh no, I'm not a real man.” That's why erectile dysfunction feels worse than hay fever — hay fever is not about being a man. It's important that you understand the logic behind the problems you have with your erection. Many men are very relieved when they realize what huge part the arousal technique plays, and that they can do something to make things better – by practicing a new arousal technique. Oh, and it also helps to know that you're not alone. Take a look at what other people have asked us about this topic by typing "erection" into our search bar.

What about Viagra & co?

We support using PDE-5-Inhibitors while you practice – especially if you practice something you're absolutely not used to (e.g. moving your pelvis instead of tensing up). When you want to try these pills, you have to make a doctor's appointment. Don't buy anything from a website. You don't know what you're buying. Also: You have to speak with a doctor about possible reasons why these pills might be dangerous for you.

So, what's my project?

Once you understand the logic behind your problem, make a plan to practice, and then – practice. If you need help figuring out what your problem is, or what to do, we encourage you to write into our question window and describe your problem as accurately as possible.