Learning new techniques for sex is like learning a new language: It takes a lot of practice. At first, you probably won't feel much change. But if you don't give up, your practicing will pay off – regarding both sexual pleasure and sexual performance.
Why does it help to practice?
Please read this text about sexual learning first, then you'll understand why you can't simply do something a few times during sex and it will just work. If you can arouse yourself to orgasm in a particular way, it doesn't automatically mean you can do it in other ways. It's like when you've learned English and now you have to speak French.
Why should I practice alone?
The advantage of practicing alone is that you are not distracted and can dictate what you do and how long you do it. You also won't be burdened with distracting ideas like needing to please someone else or needing to perform... in short, you can concentrate entirely on yourself and you'll be much more likely to perceive yourself better. That means: If you take time for yourself, you will actually become a better lover.
How much should I practice?
It takes many touches of a particular spot in your genitalia for you to recognize a noticeable change in your perception. And, it is good to practice regularly. Otherwise, your brain will forget what you have learned. One possibility is to practice at least three times a week for twenty minutes. Or you could practice five minutes a day. And, if that seems too long to you, you can practice three minutes a day. It is important that your focus of attention is on what you're doing, and that you go about it with curiosity and interest. There is no point in rubbing a spot while reading a book: Training perception needs attention.
What if I don't have time to practice?
If you really don't have time to practice, you can also imagine what you would do and experience if you practiced. Imagine how pleasant a touch feels. You can also fantasize something sexual. When you fantasize, it's important to focus on what is happening in your genitals. This focus activates the respective nerve cells in the genitalia, as well as the nerves running from your brain to your genitals. This means that imagination is also training. The more often you pay attention to your genitals, the more your perception is trained there.
Why do I perceive so little?
If you have read this text about sexual learning, you know that it takes many touches until any spot of your body learns to perceive something. Suppose you want to learn to feel more pleasure during sexual intercourse. If you have a vagina, maybe for the first time in your life, you begin to explore your vagina. Or if you have a penis, you might try stimulating yourself in a different way so it feels more like the stimlation during vaginal intercourse. And you perceive very little. That is normal. Perceiving is a matter of practice.
What if I feel no sexual arousal?
It's perfectly normal that a new touch or movement does not always feel great or arousing. It's like practicing French, once – that will not make you fluent in French. If you learn a new arousal technique, you may not get aroused at first. Maybe you're used to tightening the muscles in your buttocks and pelvis during sex and keeping your body still, and now you want to learn how to move during sex. Initially this movement will, in all likelihood, "disturb" your usual arousal process and your arousal will probably go down. This is completely normal.
What results can I expect?
If you practice feeling more in a specific area in your genitals – let's say your vagina or penis –, touching it might feel like nothing, maybe even numb, at first. After some practice, you might feel things like temperature, pressure, different movement patterns. That's your first success. With more practice you'll learn to distinguish between pleasant or unpleasant. That's another success. And with even more practice you will feel some sexual arousal. This is yet another success. And with more practice you will feel even more sexual arousal. Every step from numb to highly aroused is a success.
Why should I combine "old" with "new"?
If you already have a familiar method of sexually arousing yourself, you can gradually "expand" it. For example, if you are used to rubbing the head of your clitoris or penis during masturbation, you can slowly let the area covered by your finger get larger and larger. Or, if you always use your right hand – use your left hand. Notice what a difference it makes! It is also possible to use both hands, e.g. one on your clitoris and the other in the vagina, or one on your penis and one on your scrotum. We also suggest you alternate between familiar and new: Stimulate your clitoris with your finger, then explore your vagina and move back to your clitoris. Stimulate the glans of your penis, move on to the shaft, the scrotum, then back again. Also, we suggest you move more than you usually do, and then return to your familiar posture. By switching between familiar and new, you will learn connect the new more quickly with sexual arousal. Also, practicing is less boring like this. Finally, if you have had enough of practicing and want to orgasm, you can always resort to your familiar method – as a reward for practicing, so to speak.
What if I can't motivate myself to practice?
Often, our expectations are too high, and therefore we cannot motivate ourselves to practice. You may tell yourself that you should practice for at least 20 minutes. But that seems much too long to you. Then we recommend that you practice for 3 minutes. Or, perhaps you have the expectation that things get much better quickly by practicing. But as you have read above, that isn't necessarily so. Nor do you learn French in a week. Do it like we described in the last section: Combine "old" with "new". Maybe you're also thinking: "I'm the one person that practice doesn't work for". Yes, it will work. Every person can learn through practice to have a better, more fulfilling sexuality – no matter how old you are or what limits your body sets for you.