Learning new techniques for sex is like learning a new language: It takes a lot of practice. At first, you probably won't feel much change. But if you don't give up, your practicing will pay off – regarding both sexual pleasure and sexual performance.
Why does it help to practice?
Please read this text about sexual learning first, then you'll understand why you can't simply do something a few times during sex and it will just work. Just because you're used to arousing yourself to orgasm in one way doesn't mean you can do it in another. It's like learning English and then having to speak French.
Why should I practice alone?
The advantage of practicing alone is that you are not distracted and you can choose what you do and how long you do it. You're also not burdened with distracting thoughts, such as the need to please someone else or the need to perform... in short, you can focus entirely on yourself, and you're much more likely to perceive yourself better. This means: When you take time for yourself, you will actually become a better lover.
How much should I practice?
You will need to touch a particular area of your genitals many times until you recognize a noticeable change in your perception. And it is good to practice regularly. Otherwise, your brain will forget what you have learned. One way is to practice for twenty minutes at least three times a week. Or you could practice for five minutes a day. And if that seems too long, you can practice for one minute a day. It's important that your focus is on what you're doing and that you approach it with curiosity and interest. There is no point in rubbing a spot while reading a book: Perception training requires attention.
What if I don't have time to practice?
If you really don't have time to practice, you can also imagine what you would do and experience if you did practice. Imagine how pleasant a touch feels. You can also fantasize something sexual. When you fantasize, it's important to focus on what's happening in your genitals. This focus activates the respective nerve cells in your genitals, as well as the nerves that run from your brain to your genitals. This means that imagination is also training. The more often you pay attention to your genitals, the more your perception will be trained there.
Why do I perceive so little?
If you have read this text about sexual learning, you know that it takes many touches before any spot of your body learns to perceive anything. Suppose you want to learn to feel more pleasure during sexual intercourse. If you have a vagina, you might start exploring your vagina for the first time in your life. Or if you have a penis, you might try to stimulate yourself in a different way so that it feels more like the stimlation of vaginal intercourse. And you feel very little. This is normal. Perceiving is a matter of practice.
What if I do not feel sexual arousal?
It's perfectly normal for a new touch or movement not to feel great or arousing all the time. It's like practicing French one time - it doesn't make you fluent. When you learn a new arousal technique, you may not get aroused at first. Maybe you're used to tightening the muscles in your buttocks and pelvis during sex and keeping your body still, and now you want to learn how to move during sex. At first, this movement will most likely "disrupt" your usual arousal process, and your arousal will probably decrease. This is perfectly normal.
What results can I expect?
When you practice feeling more in a particular area of your genitals – let's say your vagina or penis – touching it might feel like nothing at first, maybe even numb. After some practice, you might feel things like temperature, pressure, different patterns of movement. That's your first success. With more practice, you'll learn to distinguish between pleasant and unpleasant. That's another success. And with even more practice, you will feel some sexual arousal. This is yet another success. And with more practice, you will feel even more sexual arousal. Every step from numb to highly aroused is a success.
Why should I combine "old" with "new"?
If you already have a familiar method of sexually arousing yourself, you can gradually "expand" it. For example, if you are used to rubbing the head of your clitoris or penis during masturbation, you can slowly let the area covered by your finger get larger and larger. Or, if you always use your right hand – use your left hand. Notice what a difference it makes! It is also possible to use both hands, e.g. one on your clitoris and the other in the vagina, or one on your penis and one on your scrotum. We also suggest that you alternate between the familiar and the new: Stimulate your clitoris with your finger, then explore your vagina and move back to your clitoris. Stimulate the glans of your penis, move on to the shaft, the scrotum, then back again. We also suggest that you move more than you normally do and then return to your familiar posture. By switching between the familiar and the new, you will learn to associate the new with sexual arousal more quickly. It also makes the practice less boring. Finally, when you are tired of practicing and want to have an orgasm, you can always return to your familiar method – as a reward for practicing, so to speak.
What if I can't motivate myself to practice?
Often, our expectations are too high, and therefore we cannot motivate ourselves to practice. You may tell yourself that you should practice for at least 20 minutes. But that seems much too long to you. Then we recommend that you practice for 3 minutes. Or, perhaps you have the expectation that things get much better quickly by practicing. But as you have read above, that isn't necessarily so. Nor do you learn French in a week. Do it like we described in the last section: Combine "old" with "new". Maybe you're also thinking: "I'm the one person that practice doesn't work for". Yes, it will work. Every person can learn through practice to have a better, more fulfilling sexuality – no matter how old you are or what limits your body sets for you.