Sexuality: facts and tips / This makes sex more fun for two:
When the sex is good, both people actively sexually arouse themselves. You only get sexually aroused by what you feel and enjoy. That's why you should focus not only on your partner, but also on yourself.
Who is satisfying whom?
We often get questions in the style of "How can I satisfy my partner better?". In general, many people's questions show that they are very interested in what's going on inside the other person during sex. Sometimes they forget about themselves a bit. Actually, there are very few guys who only think about themselves. Most people try to please their partner. Yet it often doesn't work so easily. This is partly because people don't say what they want and partly because they don't really know what they want during sex. You can learn to talk about sex – and you can also find out what you want during sex.
When sex is good, both are active
Back to the question of satisfaction: one thing is important: no matter what you do, and no matter whether one of you is more in the "active" role and the other more in the "passive" role: In good sex, both of you are always active. This is because you are both actively arousing yourself with each other. During vaginal intercourse, for example, the vagina actively receives the penis, just as the penis actively penetrates the vagina. And even if your partner is stimulating you with their hand or mouth, you will only be sexually aroused if you can feel the touch and experience pleasure. If you can't, no matter how skilled your partner is and how hard they try, they won't succeed.
When sex is good, both enjoy it
That's why it's so important that when you're having sex as a couple, you don't just focus on satisfying your partner, but also pay attention to how you feel and what you like. When you are stimulating your partner with your hands or orally, see how you can enjoy it yourself. For example, by moving your upper body - this is more likely to make you feel good. You can also stimulate yourself with your hand at the same time as you stimulate your partner.
It's also important to make sure that you don't do sexual practices just for the sake of your partner, but that you enjoy them as well. Otherwise, you'll lose interest in sex in the long run.
Your pleasure makes you sexually attractive
If your partner notices how sexually aroused you are or that you are enjoying the sexual encounter, they are likely to enjoy it and may find it sexually arousing as well. So it makes a lot of sense for you to focus on your own pleasure. As long as you do something they enjoy, of course.
That's why solo sex is also good for sex with a partner
So being a good lover means that you also enjoy yourself. And that strengthens your sexual health. That's why it makes sense to take your time with solo sex and experiment with what you enjoy and what feels good. The better you know this, the more you'll feel when you have sex with a partner. So please read our masturbation tips for women and men. If you have a different gender, you are welcome to be inspired by both texts.
Why autonomy is so important
You may find it very difficult to put yourself first. You want too much to please the other person or to "function" well. Then you might be interested in this text about autonomy in a love relationship.