Sexual problems and solutions / Discomfort of vulva and vagina during intercourse:

Does your vagina or vulva hurt during or after intercourse? We have listed some possible reasons for discomfort during intercourse. Some you can tackle with practice. For others, a visit to the gynecologist is advisable.

The sex is rough, fast, and long

Does your sexual intercourse go on for a very long time while also being fast and rough? This can hurt even the most experienced lover. Let's say the penis or dildo is constantly making fast thrusting movements. Then your vagina might not be able to produce lubrication quickly enough to keep up. So, it becomes dry, and the friction starts to hurt. In these cases, your partner should try to learn a better sex technique. If your partner is a man, we recommend this text on the pelvic swing. It's also possible for the external genitals – the vulva – to hurt. It can hurt if you rub it too quickly and firmly, for example against your partner's body.

You're tensing the pelvic floor muscles a lot

Many people tense their pelvic floor muscles in order to become sexually aroused. You may also have a high level of muscle tension in your everyday life. The pelvic floor muscles surround the entrance of the vagina. So, when they are tense, they make the vagina more narrow. It also doesn't get properly wet. Both of these things can lead to pain. Please read our text Pain during intercourse due to high muscle tension. If the tension is so strong that the vagina seems too tight for a penis, dildo or finger, please read our chapter on vaginismus.

You are not very sexually aroused

Your vagina might need time to prepare for taking in a penis, dildo or even a finger. Being sexually aroused can make your vagina wider and wetter. Only then can it easily take in a penis or dildo. Many people still call this phase of arousal «foreplay», but it's actually just as much part of sex as the penis/dildo going into the vagina is. It may not just be the lack of time given to sexual play before intercourse that is to blame. Maybe you simply haven't yet learned how to arouse yourself with a penis or dildo in your vagina. Please read our text Pain during intercourse due to lack of sexual arousal.

Your vagina doesn't get very wet

You might also feel very aroused and ready, but your vagina still doesn't get wet. It could be that you feel very turned on and in the mood – you're mentally aroused, so to speak. But physically, you aren't (yet). Or it's the other way around: Your vagina is wet, but you don't feel aroused. Physical arousal and mental arousal/pleasure aren't the same. Please read our text on sexual arousal to understand this better. But you might also be physically aroused, and still you don't get very wet. Muscular tension, as we described above, might be a cause. Hormonal changes can also result in less natural vaginal wetness. If this is the case for you, use lube or saliva to make your vagina wetter.

You have an infection or other medical condition

Do you suspect that you have an infection or some other medical condition? Then you should go see a gynecologist. Here are some possible conditions and symptoms you might be experiencing:

• In the case of vaginal infections, yeast infections or urinary tract infections, you won't just have symptoms during sexual intercourse but more generally.
• The same is true for vulvodynia — that is a condition causing burning sensations or stabbing pain right at the entrance of the vagina.
• This also goes for lichen sclerosus — that's a chronic skin condition.
• Sexually transmitted infections, like herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhoea or trichomoniasis, can also cause pain during intercourse.
• Pain deep within the pelvis or stomach may also be related to a gynecological condition.
• Sometimes, a lack of estrogen also leads to pain.

You have tears in the mucous membrane (rhagades)

Some develop small tears in the vaginal tissue. These membranes inside the vagina can tear when you take in a penis or dildo with your vagina. This is also called a rhagade. A rhagade is a small tear. It looks like a small cut, an open area of skin. This small cut is usually on the back side of the entrance to the vagina; the side that faces the perineum/anus. Rhagades rarely bleed, but they cause uncomfortable, burning pain. It then usually takes a few days for this area to heal. Taking good care of your vulva is very important in these cases.

Some positions may be painful

Depending on the position, intercourse can be uncomfortable, especially with larger, thicker penises or dildos. Pain deep within the pelvis or stomach might also be due to the penis/dildo hitting an ovary. It helps to experiment with positions, angles, and movements. Please also read our text about sex with a thick or long penis.

Sometimes it's the condom or lubricant

If you use condoms for contraception, the penis rubs up more strongly against the vaginal walls. This can cause pain. The same is true for dildos and vibrators. Using enough lube can solve this problem. Discomfort can also occur from an allergic reaction to the condoms you're using. It is also possible that your vaginal flora does not tolerate certain lubricants. For example, it might not react well to lubes with flavors or spermicide. Attention: Do not use oil-based lubricants with condoms!

Visiting a gynecologist is not a luxury

Be sure to see a gynecologist if you suspect you have an infection or other medical condition. It's also a good idea to see a doctor if the pain persists even without sexual intercourse, or if you don't notice any improvement with our tips.