If you want to enjoy sex more, it's a good idea to move and relax your upper body. Here are some tips to familiarize yourself with and practice movement of your upper body during sex.
Why is moving my upper body during sex good?
We need relaxation to feel comfortable. When we're tense, we feel fear, anger, disgust, shame… We see ourselves and others with a more critical eye. We're more likely to start ruminating, too. Please read this text on possible effects of high muscular tension during sex. This has to do with our autonomic nervous system. You can learn more about this in this text.
When you keep your body still during sex, you might not notice how much tension is actually in it. It's incredibly hard to "just relax". It's much easier to loosen this tension if you move during sex. Movement is alternating tensing and relaxing muscles. We describe this more in-depth in this text for women and anyone with a vulva/vagina and this text for men and anyone with a penis.
This means that upper body movements during sex can help you better regulate your emotions, calm your thoughts, and make sex more pleasurable and enjoyable.
Isn't it enough to move my pelvis?
Perhaps you know our tips about the pelvic swing. You can find them in this text for men and anyone with a penis and in this text for women and anyone with a vulva/vagina. When you move your pelvis during sex, you promote blood circulation in your genitals, you can feel them better and you can control your sexual arousal better. It also makes you feel more active during sex.
The pelvic swing is therefore a good idea and we encourage everyone to try and play with it. But in theory, it is possible to move your pelvis quite a lot and still be quite tense in your upper body. Pay attention to what you do with your chest, upper body and head during this pelvic swing movement and how you are breathing.
Tips for moving the upper body during sex
Here are some tips on how to familiarize yourself with upper body movement. We recommend that you do this as often as possible. Please read this text about why it's so important that we don't just try things once during sex, but repeat them often. Here are some tips:
Breathe, move, observe
Observe your chest, neck, jaw, shoulders during arousal when you do the pelvic swing. You might lie on your back, knees bent, feet on the ground, and just start by deep breathing.
Every time you inhale, you arch your back a bit, and when you exhale, you press your lower back on the ground a bit. Do this for a while.
And then observe what each vertebra does – from your tailbone to your head. Observe how your movement of the lower back translates to a movement in your entire body. Notice that it even includes your head? The movements might be small, tiny even, but they reflect your entire body being in one fluid motion.
Open your mouth and use your voice
Open your mouth. We often hold a lot of tension in our jaw. Opening your mouth will loosen the muscles a bit. Exhale through an open mouth, and while you exhale, say "Aaaaaaa". Watch where you feel your voice during this "Aaaaa".
For comparison, also try an "Oooo", a "Uuuu", an "Eeee". Every vowel comes with different vibrations, and these vibrations massage the muscles in your trunk. Observe which vowel feels best for you.
An open mouth also helps you relax your facial muscles. Moving your head a bit can also help. Yawning is also excellent.
Swing your shoulders
Do the pelvic swing like described in exercise 1. As you exhale, curl your shoulders away from the ground, as you inhale, press them to the ground a bit – don't work too hard, this is just about getting them into motion.
Watch how your chest arches while you inhale and how your upper back stretches as you exhale. Observe how your shoulders and your pelvis form part of a bowl as you exhale, and part of an arch as you inhale.
Your shoulders move your body
Now lie on your back, knees bent, feet on the ground. Inhale while pressing your shoulders to the ground a bit. Exhale lifting them a bit.
Now observe how this movement translates to the rest of your body. Do you notice that your pelvis moves along a bit? Wherever the focus, the start, of a movement is, it involves the rest of your body a bit. Your body is a whole, not separate bits.
Moving on the clock face
Lie on your back and imagine your pelvis is lying on a clock face. 6 is down where your tailbone is, 12 is up where the small of your back is, 3 is on the left side of the pelvis, 9 is on the right side of your pelvis. Now start moving your pelvis down to 6 and then up to 12 and back. Move it up and down. Breathe how it feels comfortable.
Experiment with different kinds of breating. Inhale while your pelvis is at 6, and then also try exhaling when your pelvis is at 6. Experiment. Observe. Perceive. Watch what the rest of your body does. Then move from 1 to 7 and back. Observe. Perceive. 2 to 8. Observe. Perceive. And so on. Experiment with moving your pelvis, watch what the rest of your body does: Your spine. Your right shoulder. Your left shoulder. Your neck. Your head.
Movement of entire body
Circle your pelvis on this clock face. Again: Observe how this translates to the rest of your body. Then go on and make all movements you can imagine with your pelvis. Let your body be moved by these movements.
Eventually, imagine you're some plant under water, and let the water just move it into any direction. Then you might want to stretch whatever wants to be stretched, including legs, arms, torso, everything. Yawn. Yawning is an excellent way to relax.
Pelvic swing with focus on upper body
Do the pelvic swing exercises as described in the texts linked above, and while you do them, focus on the rest of your body like we described in this text. It's a good idea to slow down the movements. This will allow you to observe and perceive better.
Explore movement and breathing during solo sex
Explore what you do with your upper body during solo sex. Are you moving it? Are you holding still? How are you breathing? Observe what your face does during arousal. Is it still? Are you grimacing? These are signs of tension.
At one point, it's a good idea to masturbate in front of a mirror. This will give you a good idea about what your body and your face do during arousal. It's especially interesting to look at what you're doing right before and during orgasm. Are you tensing up and stopping movement? Are you still? Or are you moving more? Are you using your voice during orgasm?
Move upper body during solo sex
Take what you've learned and practiced here and include it as best possible during solo sex. Moving and using your voice might feel strange at first, but, as you get more used to it, you will notice that you experience more pleasure during arousal and orgasm. And you're likely to also feel better after orgasm.
Moving during sex with a partner
Please note that even the tiniest movement is better than no movement. So If your stuck in a strange position under your partner, or if you feel inhibited, start by simply deep breathing, opening your mouth a bit, and a slight swinging or undulating movement of your body from your pelvis to your head.
Anytime you notice negative emotions arising, counterbalance them by more movements, breathing, your voice, and maybe even a smile. Your mind will be influenced by what your body does. It's also a good idea to tell your partner that you're practicing and experimenting with movement, breating and using your voice during sex. Your partner might learn something from you, as well.