Me and the others / How can I get along better with myself and others?:
The autonomic nervous system is heavily involved in how you see yourself and the world, how you feel, and how you interact with others. It makes sense to understand this, because you can learn to influence it.
Why don't I always see the other person the same way?
Let's say you're in a relationship. Sometimes you're great together. Sometimes not at all. Sometimes you love your partner, sometimes you'd like to shoot them to the moon. Sometimes you feel like your partner is against you. There may also be situations where nothing is possible. Something happens, someone gets "triggered", and then it's just noise. Why is that the case? It can also be that your partner says the same thing - but one time you experience it as if they are against you, and the other time you do not. Why is that?
To understand this better, it helps to understand your nervous system better. More specifically, your autonomic nervous system. This is the same as the autonomic nervous system. We use the term autonomic nervous system or ANS for short here.
What is the ANS?
When you talk about nerves, you may mean the nerves that are responsible for your ability to feel or move. Those are the nerves of the central nervous system. That's not what we're talking about here. The autonomic nervous system is constantly active without you being aware of it. It keeps all your internal organs functioning without you having to do anything consciously. That's why it's called "autonomic" - it means "independent". The ANS is also responsible for making sure your body and mind are ready for activity or rest: it makes sure that you can be active and it makes sure that your body can recover. It also helps to keep you safe.
The ANS starts in the brain stem and has two parts: the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. Depending on the situation and your needs, these nerves are active to very different degrees.
Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Activation
The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is a plexus of nerves that runs through the spinal cord. It has many branches that branch out from the spinal cord into the body like a fir tree.
If you want to be active - move, stand up, walk, run, carry something and so on - the sympathetic nervous system has to be active. The SNS is your activator. It makes sure that your muscles get better blood flow, that you breathe faster, that your blood pressure rises and that your pulse rate increases. Your sympathetic nervous system is important for movement and strength.
Parasympathetic Nervous System/Vagus: Relaxation
The parasympathetic nervous system consists primarily of one nerve: the vagus nerve. The vagus is like a "vagabond"; it meanders through the body and also has many branches and twigs. The vagus nerve does the opposite of the sympathetic nerve: it causes your pulse and blood pressure to drop, your muscles to relax and your breathing to calm down. Now your digestion is also running smoothly. And it helps you fall asleep.
According to the so-called polyvagal theory, the vagus nerve has two main cords: the dorsal vagus and the ventral vagus. The dorsal vagus begins a little further back in the brain stem (dorsum in Latin), and the ventral vagus begins a little further forward (venter in Latin).
The dorsal vagus is very old, all vertebrates have it. It is very long and runs all the way down to our genitals. An important function of the dorsal vagus is that it causes us to shut down and regenerate. Only mammals have the ventral vagus. It is very short and is mainly connected to the facial nerves and the heart. When it is active, we are relaxed, open and in a social mood. It makes sense that mammals have this branch of the vagus nerve. Because they need to be able to interact socially. Reptiles don't have to.
What does the ANS have to do with relationships?
What you have just read about the ventral vagus shows you that the ANS also has something to do with relationships. Depending on which nerves of our ANS are active, we experience ourselves in relationships in very different ways. This has an ancient history: the ANS is actually there to keep us safe or to bring us to safety. The sympathetic nervous system, the dorsal vagus and the ventral vagus have different functions here. You can find out more about this by reading on in this text.