Reply to question 36558
My trauma were two I believe. The first was to discover about penetration when I was about 10 from the tell of a boy that described it as something that needs to beak inside my vagina to let the penis entering and so associated with blood and pain. Then later when I was 18 I had a relationship with a guy who tried to get penetration but I didn’t want and at the moment he tried to enter I felt an extreme pain. Finally I stopped him so he didn’t manage to enter but since then I was never able again to let somebody come so close.
Now, my gynecologist diagnosed me with vaginismus and for the first time I managed to look at my vagina end enter with the tip of my finger. However when I try to get further I feel there is not enough space and it hurts.
I’m glad my gynecologist is helping me and since I started talking about that to her I feel psychologically much better and making some progresses even if very slow. I still feel shame and would like to feel normal as soon as possible but it’s very hard for me.
Unsere Antwort
Thank you for sharing some more details with us. I now have a much clearer picture of your situation.
First of all, it's really great that you have decided to open up to your gynecologist. That was an important and courageous step. I'm glad she is helping you. And as you said: You are making progress! You are starting to change your relationship with your vagina, and you're already able to take in the tip of your finger. You can be proud of these successes. They prove that learning new things is possible.
And like we said before: You can learn to pleasurably take in things with your vagina. We have written a whole chapter on this topic: Vaginismus: When the vagina seems too tight. Please read the texts in that chapter. They will give you a lot of tips on how to start practicing alone and with your husband. Remember: Learning new skills always takes time. So try to be patient and kind to yourself. And if you get stuck somewhere, feel free to write to us again, including the previous question number.
I understand that you want to “feel normal”. But I also want you to know that you are normal! Your body is basically trying to protect you from pain. It does that by tensing the pelvic floor muscles around your vagina, so that nothing can enter. It's a very normal and sensible response if you're afraid of pain. And in your case, you've actually experienced pain when something entered your vagina, so it makes perfect sense. Maybe you can start to tackle your shame by acknowledging that your body is doing what it can to help you and that this is a normal reaction.
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