Sexuality: facts and tips / Sex tips and exercises for men and all penis owners:

Do you want to reach orgasm easily during vaginal or anal intercourse? Movement, playing with your muscles, deep breathing, your voice, variety and sexual fantasies will help you achieve this.

Why is the way to orgasm often far from easy?

Maybe you know the feeling: the way to ejaculation feels a bit like a struggle. You work hard, you try, and then - finally - you come. Getting there doesn't feel easy or pleasant. It works, but somehow you wish it was easier to increase your sexual arousal.

How do I increase my sexual arousal?

In order for you to increase sexual arousal to the point of ejaculation and orgasm, it needs enough "food". For example, you can tense more muscles, rub faster, push harder, create more intense fantasies, and move more intensely. Some techniques are more appropriate for solo sex, others for couple sex. Since sexual intercourse (penis in vagina or anus) is very popular with many people, we will give you tips for this in this text.

Why do I come alone but not during intercourse?

You may feel the same way as many other men: you apply much more pressure and friction with your hands during solo sex than a vagina could. That's why you may find it easier to orgasm alone. Your penis gets less stimulation in the vagina. And if you use a condom, the stimulation is even less intense. You may also be bothered by the fact that your vagina or anus is wet. This is because you are used to rubbing with a dry hand. That's why you may find it harder to reach orgasm. You may also find it difficult to maintain an erection in the vagina or anus. If this is the case, we recommend that you start with our exercise tips for intercourse or anal sex.

How can I make intercourse easier?

You may find intercourse to be quite exhausting. This is because you have to use a lot of muscle power to maintain or increase sexual arousal. It's especially exhausting when you're on top, in the missionary position. Our tip to make it more relaxed: move more during sex. Move your back and pelvis more. You can find out how this works in our tips about the pelvic swing. There are many reasons why moving during sex with your partner is much better than staying still and tensing your muscles. Please read our texts on tensing muscles during sex and moving during sex.

How can I easily increase sexual arousal?

To increase sexual arousal during intercourse, the muscles in your abdomen and pelvis need to be more active. You do this by thrusting. You thrust really hard. When you go back, you let go. This is how you really get the muscles moving. The circulation is better. You feel more intense. It's less tiring. It is more comfortable and pleasurable.

Doesn't thrusting hurt the other person?

Many men don't really dare to thrust with their penis. They are afraid of hurting the other person. But the risk of hurting the other person is actually higher when you are stiff and tense. Because when you are very tense, you do not perceive the subtle differences and you feel your penis less. You have less control over it. If you thrust loosely and powerfully from your hips, you can feel what your penis is doing much better. You can control it better. You can play with the speed much better. You can speed up and slow down. You are much more "connected" to your penis. The person you're having sex with will notice this as well.

How do I breathe while thrusting?

Have you played any ball sports? Or a sport where you had to hit or kick something? Stand with your legs slightly bent (do not straighten your legs). Pretend you are throwing, punching, or kicking. Pay attention: When do you inhale? When do you exhale? You will probably find that you exhale when you punch, throw or hit. Try it the other way around: punch, throw or hit when you inhale. You'll find that it's much easier to do it on the exhale. There is just more power going forward. It's the same with sex, when you're penetrating somewhere with your penis. If you notice that you don't feel yourself breathing very well, take a look at our breathing tips.

What does my voice do?

Have you ever watched a tennis match? There are tennis players who make a sound with each shot. They don't just exhale, they make a sound with their voice. The same thing happens in many sports. The voice makes the throwing, hitting or kicking more intense. It's the same with sex. It's arousing. Don't hold back during sex. If your voice wants to come out, it can. Then your chest will start to vibrate and that vibration will be transmitted to your genitals. There are good reasons why people who enjoy sex don't keep their mouths shut during sex! Are you not used to hearing your voice? Then practice while music is playing.

What do the muscles in your stomach and pelvis do?

Stand up and pretend to push with your hand and say "Hah!!!". Notice what your abdominal muscles do. Also notice what your testicles are doing. Are they pulling up? Then you know that the muscles in your lower abdomen and pelvic floor are also contracting. You may notice that the muscles in your abdomen are contracting anyway. They always do this when you exhale strongly. So when you push, you have a lot of strength in your lower torso. If you have no idea what we mean by pelvic floor, take a look at our pelvic floor exercises.

What does the pelvis do?

Stand again with your legs slightly bent and pretend you're kicking or punching or throwing again. Preferably with a "Ha!!!". Make sure you don't stick your bottom out backwards. Instead, let it tilt slightly forward as you push and exhale. Play around with what it feels like to stick your bottom out backwards and what it feels like to tilt your pelvis forward. You may find that you are doing something completely different with your back. During sex, you thrust while tilting your pelvis forward. You make a cat hump when you push in and a hollow back when you pull out.

Do I have to do it all at once?

Pushing, exhaling, tensing the pelvic floor, swinging the pelvis - and then making a sound... You might be thinking that this is all very complicated. Actually, it's not. Think of tennis players. Certain body movements somehow make sense, so they're easier. But that doesn't mean that you have to do it all at once. You don't have to do it at all. You don't have to do anything during sex. We're just describing a way to increase your sexual arousal during intercourse in a more relaxed way. We invite you to try it out and play with it. Preferably alone. You won't be disturbed and you won't have to "function".

How can I move faster in a relaxed way?

Faster movements are a great way to increase sexual arousal. See how fast you can swing your pelvis in a relaxed way. The movements may become smaller. No problem - movement is movement, even if it's smaller. It's a good idea not to breathe with each swing, or you'll get dizzy. Try swinging quickly and breathing out deeply. Inhale quickly and exhale slowly. Then try it the other way around. See which works better for you. The faster you move, the more your breathing is independent of your movement. Anything is possible. We recommend the long exhale rather than the long inhale because it improves your mood and doesn't stress you out. You can learn more about this in our Breathing Tips.

Do I have to get faster?

No, again, you don't have to do anything. You can go faster, but you can also go very slowly but vigorously. If you make big movements and play intensely with your muscles, you may reach orgasm with very slow movements. Slow movements also have the advantage of allowing you to pay more attention to what your penis is perceiving. This way you can really enjoy the in and out. Just before you come, use more force, and you can use your voice to help.

Why is variety good?

Try as many movements as you can. Circle your pelvis from time to time and move it sideways. During vaginal intercourse, many women are happy if you can also make circles. This is because the vagina likes a circular massage of its walls. The more you play with the movement, your muscles and your breath, the better you will feel it and the more skillfully you will be able to use your penis and control your sexual arousal. Practice standing up, on your back, and on all fours. In this way, you can use the movements during sex in as many positions as possible. This variety is good because you will experience different stimuli, which is more interesting than doing the same thing over and over again.

What if I can't move very well?

Maybe you can't move your body very well. Or maybe something hurts. Then see what is possible. If you can't move very well, maybe tensing and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles works well. Do that instead. Or if neither works so well, see what you can do with your breathing. You can also use your imagination: Imagine that you're thrusting really hard - even if you're not. Just by suggesting a movement, your mind can turn it into a sexual fantasy. And that sexual fantasy can be good fuel for your sexual arousal.

My partner is stiff as a board in bed - what should I do?

You may be with someone who doesn't move during sex. See if you can get them to "swing" with you. You can ask them to do this as if you were leading someone in a dance. If you are both lying on your sides, this may be easier than if they are on the bottom. This is because the person on the bottom has less freedom of movement. If they're on top, they're going to move anyway. But maybe they don't like it (yet). You might want to take a look at our tips for vaginal intercourse with your partner. You may find it difficult to talk to your partner about sex. Check out these tips for talking about sex.