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Frage Nr. 34838 von 01.04.2022

I can last for about 5 minutes to porn and under a blow job. However I last only 10 seconds when penetration. I have tried your masturbation techniques. It feels like penetration is a learned reaction somehow, or something i never get rid off.

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I'm assuming you're a man/have a penis.

I don't know what you mean by "something i never get rid off." What will you never get rid of? Penetration is definitely something you learn. It's not a reaction, however, it's an action. I'd like you to ask yourself the following questions:

  • How emotionally charged am I during penetration? Am I in a state of calm, or highly emotionally aroused/stressed out?
  • What's more important to me during penetration with a partner: my sexual arousal and satisfaction, or emotional aspects such as love or being close to my partner?
  • What's more important: my genital needs or intimacy and attachment to my partner?
  • What's more important: my needs or satisfying my partner's needs? Am I willing to put my needs first?
  • How much am I investing in my own genital foundation? How much time am I willing to invest? Am I willing to invest three times 20 minutes a week?

This is why I'm asking these questions: It's quite frequent that men who come very rapidly are very emotionally charged/stressed during penetration and quite tense due to this emotional charge. It's also typical that there's more investment in the emotional level than in the genital level, and more investment in pleasing the other person than focusing on one's own needs. If this is true with you, it is crucial that you put yourself first and invest time in yourself, following these tips:

  • Work on perceiving and modulating your arousal, as we describe in these practice tips
  • Work on regulating your emotions better. Self-awareness, mindfulness exercises are great for this, espcially when they include training better body perception. Please also look at our breathing tips and familiarize yourself with our text on muscular tension.
  • Be aware that focusing on your partner is not doing your partner service. It might just be that you're using your partner to co-regulate yourself and your own emotions. You become dependant on whatever your partner does, and how they react to you. The goal is to become independent, more autonomous, in a relationship. If you like reading, you might be interested in "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch.

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