A follow up to question 35813:
I understand your explanation about emotional intimacy, and if she really wants emotional intimacy before genital intimacy, I totally respect that.
But what I fail to understand is, if she consents and enjoys me pleasuring her with my hands, and mouth, why doesn't she return the favor by pleasuring me with her hands and mouth?
If she doesn't care about reciprocating sexually, then I don't see a point in waiting, and building a relationship with someone who doesn't care about my pleasure.
Just to be clear, by reciprocation, I am not expecting her to have intercourse for me to get into a relationship with her.
Whatever she is ok to receive from me, I expect her to give the same to me.
This feeling of not being reciprocated is making me feel rejected more than anything else.
I am not very experienced, hence I asked you directly, "what do I say? can you please give me an example?".
How do I communicate in this situation?
Unsere Antwort
You wrote: "Whatever she is ok to receive from me, I expect her to give the same to me." If you have this attude, you're likely to be disappointed, because this kind of reciprocity isn't a rule sexual relationships go by. If you give something to another person, this doesn't entitle you to anything. Therefore, I recommend you to only do things during sex that you really enjoy and feel good about, even if the other person doesn't do the same thing for you.
It's another story if you have a clear deal. You could tell this woman: "I'll stimulate you if you touch my penis, as well". She might tell you she's not interested in doing this, and therefore doesn't want you to stimulate her, either. This way, she has a say in the deal, and you're not going to be dissapointed if she doesn't participate.
You're likely to put off this particular woman with a "let's make a deal" attitude, however. People like getting treated nicely, and this will make it more likely that they want to treat you nicely, as well. The deal-attitude takes out any emotional investment.
Of course, you could also tell her: "Hey, I've stimulated you, and, honestly, I'd love if you touched my penis, as well". This might result in her having a bad conscience and feeling pressured into doing something. Pressuring people is very anti-seductive, and people will cave in for the wrong reasons.
Finally, here's another option: "I noticed that you're hesitant about touching my penis. Is this a general turn-off for you? Or do you feel unsure about what you could do with it?" This way, rather than showing the woman your disappointment, you express interest to where she's coming from.
I think this will be your best shot at opening the door to a talk, during which you might find out how you can get somewhere more satisfying with her. If you put away the "I give you, therefore I expect you to give me" attitude and are open to whatever she wants to give you as a gift rather than an obligation, you can only win.
During this talk, you might find out that she's not experienced and would appreciate if you showed her what you like. You might find out that she's not confident at all that she can "satisfy" you. Don't underestimate how inexperience and feelings of shame and embarrassment can prevent people from actively engaging in sexual activities. This woman might be totally altruistic in other areas of life, but just very inhibited in the sexual area. This has nothing to do with not caring about your pleasure, and everything with being very inhibited sexually.
Of course, you might also find out that she'd rather not touch the penis. Or you might find out another reason that shows you that calling it quits is really the best option for you.
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