Hi Lilli,
you have saved me from a lot of shame and isolation around my sexuality. I overcame my vaginismus with your practices and am now practicing to move and breathe while having sex. Thank you! (F/ 28)
I started masturbating since I was 5 and being punished for that didn't help stopping it. I kept doing that compulsively, which made it difficult to orgasm now that I am having sex with a partner.
I am optimistic that by doing exercises, I will eventually be able to orgasm in different ways, but my question is about that compulsion.
I am aroused almost all the time. It sometimes distracts me from my tasks. Then I need to orgasm to be able to concentrate. This falls under compulsory behavior I guess? Also when I'm around my partner, I find it hard to "have enough". My orgasms are not really orgasmic I guess.
I am really trying to bring a more positive attitude to my sex life, but this "hypersexuality" and constant arousal is making me angry. Maybe it's the old voices telling me I should be ashamed, but anyway, I would appreciate your comment on that.
Unsere Antwort
Thank you very much for your feedback. I'm very happy that you have made such good progress and that you no longer have vaginismus.
I think you are in a learning process and putting too much pressure on yourself. For now, assume that you are normal and that everything is normal with you! And that this is simply a step in your learning process.
You could explore this desire / sexual arousal you feel. You could try out a few experiments: where exactly do you feel it physically, how does it feel, can you let it spread? Is it possible that you also feel it in your feet, in your hands and so on? So you can bring this feeling into flow. If it's just stuck in one place, it can cause too much pressure.
You seem to think that you can “get rid” of feelings. That seems to apply to your anger as well. Here, too, I would recommend to experiment with the physical feeling (not with the thoughts that accompany the feeling!). Anger can give you warmth and strength, or even alertness. But if you try to get rid of your feelings or to avoid them, you instead fix them (in an area of your body) which can feel very unpleasant – and as you have noticed, you can't get rid of them. It would be better if you could get them flowing again.
Maybe the image of water can help you with this. Imagine your feelings circulating in your body like water. If this water can “flow freely” again, then your orgasm can also feel different. All in all, your feelings give you strength and information. But you are currently using a lot of energy trying to “contain” them or “keep them in check”. And the stronger the feeling, the more energy that takes. But it doesn't work in the long run, so try to redirect this energy into letting the feelings flow and focussing on accepting rather than fighting them.
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