I am a young woman, 22, in the heart of Africa, a university student, sharing a small one-room apartment with a woman a little older than I who is my cousin and friend who came from a neighbouring country for studies. We have several friends, male and female. I have never fallen in love yet, but my friend and I share things and ideas and love each other. When my friend chooses what to wear for a party, she would put on different combinations of dresses in front of me and we discuss possibilities. When she felt there was a lump in her breast, she had me touch it to verify. We would also discuss her visit to the gyn.
We have a basin and we wash our bodies completely in our room (to go to the outside shower is too risky for a young woman). We are very close to each other, sharing everything. As we can afford only one bed, we share a large one, sleeping together in it. This is an advantage when it gets cold.
I was aroused only once in my life, when a man sent me a video that proved to be pornographic. I deleted it immediately. I have never tried to masturbate, nor has my friend, as far as I know, as this is not part of our culture.
Reading your site, and since I have never fallen in love with anyone, I am asking myself whether I might be bisexual, because I like to see and be with boys and girls. How can I find out? Should I try to observe, whether I am lubricating, when looking surreptitiously at my friend when she is washing her beautiful naked body, or when she is changing before me? Or should I just wait till the time comes that I fall in love with somebody?
On the other hand, I would not want to have a lesbian relationship, as sex between women is not allowed in our culture. But we hug, we take pictures on our mobile phones, and there is nothing else between us that we cannot and do not share.
Unsere Antwort
Your questions are difficult to answer, since, in our culture, the approach would be a very different one: I would recommend that you masturbate, watch porn, explore other erotic contents, and date. In other words: I would recommend that you gather experience. This is the best way to find out and develop who and what attracts you. Yes, I am writing "develop", because sexual preferences and orientation aren't carved in stone; they may change and evolve to quite some extent.
The fact that you find your friend somewhat arrousing could mean anything – including that a naked sexual body, any naked sexual body, could attract you, because you are a sexual being, and she's there for you to see. In other words: If she were a man, you might find him just as arousing. You're wrong, thinking you were aroused only once: We are all born with an arousal reflex, and this reflex gets triggered numerous times a day. You, as well. Hence, we can associate many things and people with sexual arousal. Women quite often aren't aware of their sexual arousal, because they don't notice the blood flow into the genitalia, or their vagina getting wet.
So, what advice can I give you? I suggest that you find ways to explore and hone your percepiton. What is possible for a young sexual woman in the heart of Africa? How do others solve this conundrum? I wonder. You might explore your genitalia without touching yourself – by playing with your pelvis while dancing, or by playing with your pelvic floor muscles. Movemet supports awareness and perception. You might make up a little story watching people you find attractive, while focusing on the perception in your genitalia. You might take what you see home and fantasize in bed.
I don't have any insight into your culture, so I don't really have anything else to offer. I just hope you get the chance to have some experience. Keep in mind that, while you might be sexually attracted by women, this doesn't mean you have to have sex with women. It's like a menu in a restaurant. You might like more than one dish. You get to choose which dish you order.
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