Hi Lilli team,
It’s me from question 38645.
Two months have passed since I last wrote you and I have went to PT. She told me my pelvic muscles are in good shape but that I tend to always be a bit tense. So I have now a whole regimen of exercises to do on my own 3x a week to help me relax.
The pain has disappeared which is good but my sensitivity is mostly the same. I have a hard time understanding my body now. I used to be able to feel sexual arousal or pleasure in my clitoris and now I don’t.
I read the book “coming soon” and am trying to explore my vagina as well. It’s a slow process but I’m starting to feel more inside.
I don’t understand how to proceed now. Having sex feels pretty numb. Touching my clit is not very pleasurable, it feels like touching my arm. I know being open to whatever sensation that arises is part of the journey but sometimes I worry I’ll never get where I used to be.
To answer your question, it feels like the right side of my clit and the right labia majora are more pleasurable. I’m trying to focus there.
Sorry for the self-pity party. It helped me a lot to read that I was not the only one worried they’re broken.
I’ll try to be a bit more positive about this part of myself.
Thank you for your attention.
Unsere Antwort
First of all: I see a great developement here! Your efforts are admirable – and slowly starting to pay off. The key word here is: Patience.
It's great that you're doing the pelvic floor exercises. The pain disappearing is a great development. I also like that you read Coming Soon and are exploring your vagina. Doing so, you're experiencing another great development: You're starting to feel more inside your vagina. And, finally, you see a difference in perception depending on where exactly you touch your clit/labia. This is the beginning of a journey to more sensation in your vulva.
Please do more of whatever you're already doing, because you're clearly doing the right thing. Imagine learning Portuguese or another language. It takes practice, and it takes time. Sexual learning works in the same manner.
Nerves, muscles, our brain, our emotions – our entire "system" is so complex that even professionals don't understand the subtle interplay and influences on why you might experience A at one given point in time and B at another. Maybe you had an "insulted" nerve, and it needs time to normalize. As I explained in my last answer, muscular tension makes perception more difficult, and negative emotions, such as frustration and anxiety, go along with (more) muscular tension.
So please don't focus on trying to get where you used to be. I suggest you see your sexuality as a lifelong journey. A curious, open attitude of "It is what it is, let's see where my journey takes me from here" is a key factor that helps you loosen up and perceive more. On your journey, you're currently in a learning phase between something that was great and something else that will be great – but different.
Again: Patience is key. Here's a picture that you might want to print out. It points out how "numb" and "neutral" are normal states in this journey:
Please feel free to write to us again!
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