I am plus size, my boyfriend is skinny but he has a great sized penis,I'm not very experienced with sex but he is and it's hard for me to do certain positions for a long period of time and the penis slips out alot, so what am I doing wrong?? I'm fit btw, so I should be able and I consider myself tight down there,and how do I go thru with anal, the tip hurts so bad
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I don't think you're doing anything "wrong". Not all sex positions are comfortable for all people. Bodies vary and every body is unique in what feels good and what doesn't. Body size is only one of many factors that play a role here. The same is true for the penis slipping out. First of all, it's perfectly normal and common for the penis to slip out of the vagina sometimes. If it happens a lot, that probably just means that you have to adjust your angle. Each vagina has a slightly different shape. Just like each penis has a different angle when erect. So, when you have a new sexual partner, it usually takes some trial and error to figure out what works best. Vaginal tightness, on the other hand, doesn't really have an impact on the penis slipping out.
Speaking of tightness: I imagine that you maybe get quite tense trying to hold these uncomfortable positions. When something's hard, we tend to tighten and tense our muscles. Unfortunately, that's usually bad news for your pleasure. When you get tense, less blood can flow through your body and so you feel less. High muscle tension can actually also "squeeze" the penis out, which may be part of the reason it slips out a lot. When you're tense, you are also inviting negative thoughts like worry, anxiety, or self-doubt into your head. So, holding one position for a long time is actually not a great idea. Instead, try to keep your body moving, for example by circling or tilting your pelvis, arching your back, moving your legs, and so on. Please read our texts on movement and muscle tension during sex.
I also wonder if you're interested in these positions for your own sake, or just because you want to please your boyfriend. Do you maybe think of sex in terms of "performance"? Like you have to be "good at it"? You mention that you and your boyfriend have different levels of sexual experience. Does this make you feel insecure? Having more experience does not mean you automatically know how to have pleasurable sex. Sex is different with each new person, so you always have to find out what feels good for both of you. If you're feeling insecure, talk to your boyfriend about it. Take the pressure off. Try to find ways to feel more relaxed. Please also read our tips for more fun and pleasure during intercourse.
Relaxing is also crucial for anal sex. You have to prepare your anus for sex and that can take time. The sphincter muscles (the muscles around your anus) are usually very tight. You have to actively relax them before trying to take anything in, or it will definitely hurt. You or your partner can massage the anal opening for a bit and then try to gently insert a wet finger. You definitely have to use some kind of lube for anal sex because the anus does not produce any natural lubrication. If you need guidance on lube, check out this text. Then massage the anus from the inside. This way you gradually relax and widen it. If that feels good and your sphincter muscles are relaxing, you can try to insert two fingers or a small object like an anal plug next.
Don't expect to be able to take in the penis right away. For many people, it takes several sessions to learn how to relax the sphincter muscles. If you masturbate, try to include a bit of anal play. Get to know your butt and its muscles. Pay attention to what feels good. Anal sex shouldn't be something you "go through with". Again, sex is not about performance. Anal sex should be arousing and exciting for you. If it isn't, then you don't have to do it.
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