Hi Lilli team, I used to be happy with my sex life and had no problem on intercourse. For the last month or two, I noticed an issue that my penis got soften during intercourse. I enjoyed a good foreplay with my partner (15-20 min) and the penis was rock hard. It could penetrate initiailly but after a series of thrusting, it lost the feeling and got soften.
On that I have been practicing pelvic swing. I took notice on your web site during masturbation, I should not use hand to exert pressure to provide the wrong stimulation to my penis. So I use fingers to formulate a ring and maintain a decent circumference. I mainly use pelvic swing to drive the penis without squeezing or moving my hand. Lubricant mixed with water was applied to recreate the wet vagina environment. I do not like when the lubricant gets thick. In general I am ok that sometimes the penis get soften during the type of masturbation and eventually it will get hard again. I do need to watch porn to assist with that and I shut off the volume so that my attention is on the physical sensation. One form of pleasure I get out of it is ejaculation and the good sleep after that. Because of this pursue, my mastubation time is getting longer (20+ min), and I worry that I'm using pelvic swing to create that rubbing on my penis (still no squeezing).
I am a little afraid that my intercourse is not improving after the practice. What could I do wrong ? I appreciate any help from the Lilli team as always.
Unsere Antwort
First of all, you're doing a great job experimenting with a new type of stimulation! You've only been doing this for a month. This is a short time for practicing something new.
And now for your fear about intercourse not improving: The way you're practicing, you're really on a good track. So I'd like to say: Don't worry, you're doing fine. But you need a little more patience with yourself. As with everything new we learn: We get better slowly.
It's great that you're okay with your penis going softer from time to time. This will usually happen when we experiment with something new. To build up intensity, tense your pelvic muscles with every thrust forwards – and let go again when you pull back. This is a very good way of pumping more blood in your penis and feeling it more intensely. Watch tennis players: First they inhale and their pelvis will go back and then, when they hit the ball, their pelvis will go forward, they'll exhale, and their pelvic muscles will contract. This is the concept of dynamic thrusting during sex, if you want to do it with more intensity. And you need this intensity to raise your arousal.
As for the porn: How about turning off the pictures and leaving on the sound? You can experiment with this, as well. Close your eyes while you turn off the picture. This will allow you to develop more of an inner picture of what you're doing and of what you're feeling in your penis, groin and entire body. And it will allow for fantasy pictures to develop.
Here are some more tips: Touch your penis before you go to sleep and after you wake up. For at least a minute. Stroke it, play with it. Focus on what you're feeling. Your penis is a source of good feelings – not only a means to an end. Your penis doesn't have to be hard to feel good. You can also play with your pelvic floor muscles (this will make your penis and testicles move up and down) in front of a mirror, and play with trying to breathe all the way down to your pelvis. In short: Experiment with different ways of interacting with your penis, without expecting it to get hard. Maybe you could also write a letter to yourself, using the voice of your penis. How does it feel with you, its owner? How's your penis doing? What does it want? What does it like?
Why all this? Well, your penis seems to be under a lot of performance pressure right now. Penisses don't usually like that. They like good sensations and good moods. A penis needs his owner to have a relaxed mind to get an erection. So if you approach this in a playful manner, focusing on fun and not performance, being curious and open, your sex life will clearly profit from it.
So what also helps is a different mindset regarding what happens during intercourse. Something seems to have been different in the last month or so. More tension. More stress. More worrying. I suggest you speak with your partner that you're trying a more relaxed approach now, and you're experimenting with new types of stimulation. You could show her how you're thrusting your penis into your hand while you masturbate. She could try this. You could make her part of your interesting new experimenting process. It's absolutely normal to not maintain an erection during this phase. She needs to know this, too. Speak with her.
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