I am making few things that might not have been clear in my question 35904:
For me porn, and masturbation always went together.
Without porn I couldn't masturbate, and I couldn't just watch porn without masturbating.
Previously, when I quit just porn, masturbation would pull me back to porn, and vice-versa. This time, I quit both together, and it has been the longest time that I have been "clean".
Before I quit both, I had problems getting erect, and was not able to finish.
Now, 1.5 months after quitting both together, I am able to get erect and finish, but I am finishing waaaay toooo early.
The exercises recommended by you require me to explore my penis and masturbate. But, I am worried about masturbation as I am afraid of falling back into porn addiction.
(In question 35904, I've already explained why I call it an addiction, and the negative impact it had on me).
I am at a kind of an impasse, I am depressed thinking my choices are:
a) live with premature ejaculation
b) erectile dysfunction + porn addiction.
What do you have for me Lilli?
Unsere Antwort
Thanks for clarifying.
Hold on – you used to have problems with your erection, and now you don't? And now you're able to arouse yourself to a discharge? So clearly you learned something in the past 1.5 months! This is an optimal moment to really start practicing – by yourself. I understand that you're afraid to fall back into something you call addiction. However, as a sex therapist and psychotherapist, I don't consider watching porn an addiction.
In your previous question you wrote: "I call it addiction because I could not function without watching porn, and the time I spent on watching porn was negatively impacting all other areas of my life." I suggest you call it a "compulsive behavior". Like eating or cleaning compulsively. This is not the same as being addicted to a drug, where some chemical affects your brain.
Usually, the issue with compulsive behaviors is that what you're doing isn't getting you what you really want or where you really want to be. You're never satisfied because your needs aren't fulfilled. You try to fill a void that should be addressed in a different fashion to really be filled. You have a negative attitude towards this behavior and don't grant yourself the needs behind it. Whatever your story, it's a good idea to address it. Please read our tips on compulsive masturbation and porn. You'll find some tips in it.
You might want to explore your pattern a bit. When you have sex with another person, you can do it without porn. So you're getting something out of sex with another person. What is it? What makes sex without porn possible? What makes porn necessary when you masturbate? How does this connection work? Let's say you masturbate in room A and your electronic device to watch porn is in room B – what makes you leave room A to go to room B to pick up the electronic device?
What would happen if you didn't? Is it that you can't arouse yourself to a discharge without porn? In this case, we're not talking about porn as a compulsion but as a necessary arousal source. I assume that the technique of arousal you learned is not conducive to feelings of pleasurable arousal and satisfaction. I assume that it involves high muscular tension and lack of perception. I assume that this makes it necessary for you to get a "kick" out of pictures or films. Clearly, when you have sex with another person, this person helps as an arousal source, because you can get off without porn.
Our exercise tips for premature ejaculation make sense because they help you feel what's going on in yourself and your body better. Awareness will get you closer to the core of your problem. If you read our practice tips, you'll also notice that we don't write "just masturbate". This wouldn't get you anywhere new. Rather, we offer you to do something you don't usually do.
So I suggest option c: Teach your brain something new so it doesn't have to fall back to the well-learned connection of "arousal alone <=> porn". Please also read our texts on sexual learning and practicing for sex.
Feel free to write us again if you have more questions.
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