I am 46 years old, and my wife is 47 years old. We have been married for 23 years. My sex drive and libido are still very strong and I long to have sex with my wife at least twice per week. On the other hand, my wife seems to have lost her libido since several years ago. She even tells me that she could be happy without sex, and this is because she is approaching menopause. She tells me that I should stop acting like a teenager that often wants to have sex. My questions:
1. Are men suppose to loose their libido past their 40's? Is there something wrong with my mind or body?
2. I am confused, since some literature says that women loose their sexual interest because of menopause, while other sources say that such believes are inaccurate and misleading. Women do not loose their libido because of their age. What is the truth?
I really try to create special moments with my wife to motivate her to be with me, but nothing seems to work. I just would like some clarity about the science behind it.
Thanks.
Unsere Antwort
1. Nothing's wrong with your mind or body. No man is supposed to lose his libido beyond 40. Quite the contrary: sexual arousal and orgasm are associated with raised levels of certain hormones which can be beneficial. Also, regularly stimulating your penis will help the tissue to remain elastic. So it's beneficial that you celebrate your libido in masturbation.
2. The influence of "female" hormones (estrogen and progesterone) on sexual desire in women is minimal. There are many reasons why a woman has a high or a low desire for sex with her partner. How she experiences a particular sexual activity, and if it is really fulfilling and not stressful, will have a far higher influence than these hormones. Your wife speaks like a woman who hasn't experienced sex as really fulfilling. She sounds like she tries to blame hormones for wanting to put an end to it, when in reality it's more about: "Look, sex hasn't tasted great in a long time, so I lost my appetite for it and I'd really be happier without it".
What can you do? Your approach of trying to create special moments is a good start. Ask yourself: What would a good sexual encounter look like for your wife? Do you know how she masturbates? Do you know what her preferences are? It's not uncommon for women to prefer other sexual activities to vaginal intercourse. This is usually due to the fact that these women have learned to arouse themselves best by stimulating other areas of their genitalia, e.g. the clitoris. Maybe your wife doesn't experience an orgasm during intercourse, or it takes "work" to get there, and she thinks that the sex you have together is more for your pleasure than for hers.
It can be helpful to focus on both of your pleasure in general rather than sexual arousal to orgasm. This can take pressure out of sexual encounters. Does your wife like sensual encounters with you? Like hugging, kissing, carressing, massaging? If not, maybe she shies away from them because she thinks they'll inevitably lead to sex. You might tell your wife that getting your sexual needs met isn't so important, and you'd prefer the physical closeness with her. You might tell her that you'll fulfill your purely sexual needs during masturbation. This might help give her the feeling that you're not "using" her for your desire. This might open a door to encounters with her. Only time can tell where this might lead.
By the way: Every person can learn sexually, no matter how old they are. This applies to her as well as to you. At this point, it sounds unrealistic that your wife would be motivated to invest in what she can do to experience sex more fulfilling with you. However, you can definitely invest in your own sexuality. I don't know what your sexual technique is, but maybe it's more efficiency-oriented than pleasure-oriented. If you experiment with and train utilizing your body in a different way during arousal, you might be able to experience more pleasure and fulfillment yourself. This might make masturbation more interesting, and make you more iindependent of sex with her. It might also make you a more attractive sexual partner for your wife, because you're more emotionally present. If you're interested in this investment, please read this text and the texts it links you to.
If you have further questions, don't hesitate to write to us again. Please include the number of this question.
Schau dir mehr Antworten und Infotexte an zum Thema