Why does culture and society teach that if a woman doesn’t orgasm it is because a a man doesn’t know what he is doing or doesn’t care. He didn’t make me cum -very popularly said. Even ideas like the orgasm gap - men getting more orgasms than women.
Is it a man’s fault?
Unsere Antwort
That's actually a pretty complex question you're asking.
Fundamentally, it's not your “job” to make your sex partners orgasm. That's true for everyone, regardless of gender. Everyone is responsible for their own sexual arousal. Orgasms are also quite individual, so there is no technique or method that a man could learn to ensure that the woman he's having sex with has an orgasm.
However, the orgasm gap is a real phenomenon. In heterosexual sexual encounters, women orgasm less frequently than men. Women having sex with women, however, orgasm about as often as man do in heterosexual settings. This is largely due to female sexuality being dismissed and overlooked in Western societies for a long time. For example, it was only recently that science (re-)discovered that the clitoris is actually a pretty large organ that extends far inside the body — and that the little nub (the glans) that you can see from the outside is just 10 percent of it. And even so, most anatomy textbooks today still show wrong illustrations and descriptions of the clitoris.
You might wonder why this is relevant. Because this dismissal of female pleasure has led to a lot of misinformation and a lack of knowledge in people of all genders. Sexual education frequently doesn't talk about pleasure, so female orgasms are often not discussed. On top of that, many girls today are still being discouraged from masturbating – more so than boys are. So they don't learn about pleasure at school, nor do they learn by trying it out. Many women (and people of all genders) carry around shame about their sexuality. So they don't explore their own bodies and their own pleasure. That means, they don't discover what gets them to orgasm. Which means they can't communicate what they like and they can't go out and ask for what they need.
And there is also a lot of misinformation for men. The myth that they are in charge of their partner's orgasm puts a lot of pressure on them. In fact, many men become so pre-occupied and worried about “making their partner orgasm” that they lose their own pleasure (and sometimes their erection).
So, what can you do? You can educate yourself about female orgasms and sexual arousal in general, you can talk to your partners, you can practice, and you can discover what's pleasurable. Because in the end, good sex is about pleasure, and orgasms can certainly be part of that, but they are by no means the only part.
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